Chillin

Today is a good day. Nobody got in my face.

I rearranged my office because I had to fit some more work crap in and I was maxed on space. I removed some shelves and the new arrangement feels much roomier. I even have some space to dance a little jig if the mood strikes.

After I got settled I jammed some online Coffeehouse tunes and I was set. Coffeehouse music makes me feel like I'm in a trendy little joint in Madison or the Haight-Ashbury district. It puts me in a good place. Just laid back and kinda groovy. That's me... groovy.

Wake up Edison

OK, I had a few hours to calm down. While I still hold to everything I said in my last post, I AM able to put things into perspective now that I am removed from the situation.

I'm still a little pissy. But once I'm home I realize that it's easy enough for me to step out of that bad air and see what's really important. I still sleep at night. After 3:00 that crap doesn't come home with me.

Tonight, when the girls started talking about summer school or my teaching them how to play cribbage, a light bulb went off in my head. The light bulb had text printed across it saying, "Fuck those people at work." Focus on these girls and creating their memories.

Rated R for language

I got home at 3:20p and made myself a drink by 3:25p. That's sad. (And maybe not such a good mix with the antibiotics), but that's how sick I am of having shitty days at work. Bunch of bastards.

I'm sick of decisions that are being made, the workload that is being put on people and the bullshit lack of respect. Everyone has bad days, but when it starts becoming a daily pattern, something needs to change.

I'm getting to the level of hatred I had when working at Kaytee. There were a couple bitches there that felt threatened by me in some shape or form and they made my life hell. I quit after a year, lucky enough to find a job my last week there. These days it isn't that easy. I won't be able to find a job... for a very long time.

But honestly, every fucking morning I get up in a good mood and put a positive spin on the day. I really do. I know what I have to do that day and set out to be productive. Never fails, before noon, someone has to piss all over my parade.

It's time to really start thinking outside that damn box. I need a solution. I need to find the next 10 years of my life. There doesn't need to be such a separation from my work life to my home life. I'm looking for a sense of unity. I'm a smart kid... I'll come up with something.

Like swallowing concrete

I've been trying to avoid going to the Dr. at all costs. It's just another expense and everyone gets a virus here and there. But, after another night of severe pain in my throat and no sleep, I broke down. I'm starting to swell, too, which isn't a good sign.

The Dr. said I have strep. I half suspected that before the test results came back. Of course I started back tracking to where I was earlier in the week. I don't know anyone else that has it, so where did it come from? Germ-ridden carts at the store? Someone coughing next to me at school? It is what it is and there's no turning back, but with science not being my best subject I tend to wonder how people catch this crap.

I've been steering away from the girls as much as possible the last few days since I felt something coming on, so I'm crossing fingers that they'll be fine. It's pretty hard for me not to kiss and squeeze them on a regular basis, but I knew it was best. I'm still contagious until I have 24 hours of meds in me, so Janie picked up Jules this morn and Ali will go over there after her basketball game. I feel like one of those leppers with the Quarantine sign hanging over the door.

I never had strep before, but I can tell already that it's one of my least favorite types of bacteria.

They shoot horses, don't they?

I've been feeling like crap the last few days. Having a normal cold is one thing, but I've got the achy body and my throat is killing me. I can barely swallow, let alone eat. Makes for some long nights... so I'm also tired as hell! I took vacation today to do something fun with the girls, but the plan has been altered a bit because I'm not up for public activities. Instead they're having some friends over for the day while I hang low.

We just got back from Walgreens, where I purchased three different types of the nastiest medicine ever. Really, this daytime Tylenol stuff for my throat is labeled "Cool Burst" and it sent shivers down my spine and left me gagging. Anything that tastes that horrific has to do its job.

Tomorrow I have tickets with my friend, Jill, to go to a beer/wine tasting event. Not so sure that alcohol is a good idea, so I may have to call her tonight and figure something out.

Julia is annoying the ever living crap out of me right now. You know how your tolerance diminishes when you're not feeling well? I would give anything for solitude.

It'll be a cold day in he!!

A little word of advice. Don't take crap from anyone. Especially when it comes to your money. I recently paid off my credit card bill, like I always do if it's used. I don't like to carry a balance. I used it to purchase something worth a few hundred dollars because I get cash points back. When I sent in my payment, I ended up being four days late and they charged me a late fee.

$39 for being four days late. A little extreme, don't you think? Plus they tacked on $2.82 for finance charges. I was a little Td. The balance should have come back as $0. Granted $41.82 isn't a ton of money, but I had no intention of paying it. I put forth great effort over the years to ensure that my credit rating was stellar. I never missed a payment and almost always paid in full. I'm not one of their $20 payment customers. I was going to make sure that they knew this.

So, I called this morn and explained that I was disputing the charges. If they refused to cave I was going to cancel the card and go with another financial institution. The first CS agent I got barely spoke English and after spelling my street address four times I just hung up. Seriously.

The second CS agent I got was pleasant and sent me right on to another financial gal. I stated my case, throwing in my credit and payment history and she waved the fees. Just like that. Little easier than I thought.

The answer is blowing in the wind

Today is my first official day of having the sheets on the line for 2009.
And we all know how I feel about that.

Normal or not?

I've got to be one of the only morons that calls the mortgage company, looking for more coupons to make extra payments! I make partial payments every two weeks, so eventually I get ahead of my schedule. I do the same with auto loans. Paying half every payday reduces the amount of interest over time because you put extra down in those two months that have an extra pay period. My mortgage broker told me that you can pay off a 30-yr loan in 23 years that way.

So, I'm payed up a few months in advance and ran out of coupons to mail in. I called my mortgage company and they said they wouldn't be mailing my new ones until the end of April. OK, but I want to make a payment now, just to stay on the bi-weekly plan.

Then I started thinking, should I take a month or two off and wait for the coupons? That's a lot of money I could put away, being the little miser that I am. Even if I put two months mortgage in the bank, it could be our 2010 spring trip to AZ that I promised the yardapes. But could I live with myself?? I like being ahead of the game, cranking my credit rating up to an A+. Does that make me some sort of freak?

Or what if I become unemployed down the road? Then it would be best to have the mortgage paid ahead at that time, giving me some leeway when the income wasn't flowing in. Being the thrift-seeker that I am, this is the route I chose. I sent a payment in.

Honestly, I'm no fun sometimes.

Lump it or leave it

I forgot to mention that the stupid lump hasn't gone away yet. They put me on an antibiotic and it did nothing. Then they sent me to a general surgeon. His best guess is that it'll have to be removed, but we can wait a few months. It might still disappear, it might not. He doesn't think waiting will hinder my health any.

Here's what I found odd. Before the surgeon gave me his opinion that it wasn't anything to worry about, this breast care coordinator lady comes in the room. She tells me who she is and offers to answer any questions. Then she said that she could sit in the room with me if I needed support since I was there solo. I refused this stranger's emotional assistance and she continued to touch my hand, telling me to take care, as if I was being prepped for some terminal news.

Why would they do this?? I didn't walk into my appointment all freaked out that I had cancer, but this lady sure did her best to instill that thought into my brain. Maybe she should back off and wait for the doctors to dish out the bad news before she starts holding hands. Even though I was feeling comfortable with my situation after the ultrasounds and mammograms, she almost had me second guessing whether the other doctors were lying to me about the lymph node diagnosis. Whether she was just doing her job or not, what a bitch.

Love is a battlefield

I've been talking to a friend lately about his recent breakup with his girlfriend. It got me thinking. Seeing what he's going through and hearing about all the heartache... makes me glad to be single. There are pros and cons to being in a relationship and one day I hope to find that man that makes me tingle, but right now I choose to wait. I've been kicked in the gut enough to know that I'm not ready to take on the responsibility of trusting another person.

Relationships take time and energy; a whole lot of it. Watching someone go through the process of starting their life over without a partner reminds me of what I'm not missing. That wanting to call the other all the time or seeing things that remind me of them... that's tough stuff. Married or not, a breakup hurts. It sucks the life out of you and leaves you crippled for a while.

As my friend was sharing details of his situation it was hard not telling him to pick himself up and move on. I know it's not that easy and I could definitely put myself in his shoes. Love is a gamble, as are many other things in life. It would be boring to always take the safe path, right?

Rock a bye

How well do you really know your neighbors?

Monday night I saw the family that lives to the west of me. You know, the ones that seal all their windows shut (literally) and only breathe air from the furnace or AC. They are a couple in their 30s with a little girl, maybe 3-4 years old. Well, they walked by my house and I saw the mother carrying a newborn baby! They got pregnant and had a baby and I never knew about any of it.

It's not like these people are outside all the time. I only see him when we're cutting grass or blowing snow. And our yards are fenced, so even if they do rarely hang in back, we wouldn't see them. It was just sort of a weird "hey, where'd that baby come from?" moment.

I'm wondering if I should drop off a card or gift. What's the etiquette on baby gifts when you don't know the age, gender or name of the baby? Wouldn't it be kind of stupid to acknowledge the baby now when he/she may be a few months old? I see David outside here and there, but I probably haven't seen his wife, outside from an occasional wave in her car, for almost a year.

Maybe I'll wait until I see them outside sometime and approach the subject.

The other side of the alter

I've been procrastinating this paper I have to write for my Ethics/Diversity class. We had to select a topic a few weeks ago and I decided to go with something religion-ish, although it wasn't really making me all giddy. After I started doing research I veered off into a more specific topic of Catholic priests and marriage, or lack of. It's been a highly controversial issue for years and there are so many avenues to take. Should they be able to marry because reverends and ministers of other religions can? It's not fair, right? And then there are the priest shortages, which is really a chicken and egg syndrome. Their loneliness, stress and depression probably come from being overworked and covering multiple churches with no companionship available, and how is that going to improve the recruiting process? But then the shortage is causing the existing priests to become lonely and depressed, spending their whole lives working alone.

The sexual abuse scandals are a whole couple pages to write about. Should they be able to marry so they'll stop touching young boys? And are we forcing them into molestation because celibacy is the only option? Who really wants that as an option? I think they're all fooling themselves... hence the shortage of priests!!

Anywho, this paper has been quite the eye opener for me. Very interesting facts and history behind it all. It flashes me back to Wednesday afternoon religion class when I was young. Father Jerry would walk around in the church basement with a cigarette in one hand and a whiskey on the rocks in the other. He'd always be yelling at the boys in my class about one thing or another. Maybe that's something else I should research... how many priests end up as alcoholics.

What's sad is that this started out as a positive paper - let's get these guys laid and happy - and the content ended up bringing me down. Maybe because I wonder how fulfilling this lifestyle really is for them.

Like butterflies stretching their wings

Funny how people come out of their cocoons after a long, cold winter, isn't it? The first day to break 50 degrees I see everyone dressed like it's May or June. A lady in The Pig today was wearing shorts and a very small T and her body was screaming to be covered up. So were my eyes. My kids are refusing to wear their sweatshirts when tooling the neighborhood on scooters and all the cars have their windows rolled down. It's been a long time coming and like I told the girls yesterday - we deserve this. Nobody deserves a warm, sunny day more than those that live in Wisconsin. We come out of March feeling like a bunch of beat-up rags, so it's time.

This is the kind of weather where it's nice to sit in the driveway soaking it all in, but it's still not warm enough to open all the windows. My house is a tad chilly with the furnace not running very much, so I still layer my lounge clothes when home. I've always wanted a cute little southern exposure sun room where I can chill with my book and beverage. It's on the lifetime list.

Roy who?

Next week Tuesday we're "Going Green" at work. Our HR gal sent out an email for everyone to wear green and bring makings for a salad. We're supposed to find ways to conserve energy that day, too.

Denise and I decided it would be more fun "Going ROYGBIV", being the rebels that we are. So, we recruited a few members and assigned everyone a color. I'm orange, because I just bought this bright orange $5 T at Walmart. And I signed up for carrots. Denise is red and signed up for tomatoes.

Next to your contribution for the little luncheon you're supposed to write down what you'll do that day to help save energy.

I wrote: "Turn off the servers that day."

Denise: "Turn off my curling iron before I leave that morning."

Stupid stuff like this makes me laugh. Maybe because we're thinking outside the box and finding ways to up the anty on this whole green experience. I suggested we walk into the lunchroom in rainbow order, but maybe that's a little cocky.

Yes, I can hear you now

My rule of thumb with the weather is that if it's below 10 degrees or raining, I'll drop the girls off at school. Otherwise they can walk the couple blocks. It's good for them. This morning they were at each other's throats with whiney comments and touching each other; it was ridiculous. Frankly, I don't care who said what, just get ready for school and out of my house.

It was a little chilly this morn, but I couldn't imagine another 15 minutes of it, so I wrapped scarves around their faces and shoved them out the door. I was up in the middle of the night, getting a little sick. Being tired and not 100% is bad enough, so a little peace is quite welcome. It's amazing how much better I feel when they leave and I can gather my thoughts again.

Love em, but why do they always have to make noise?

You made me

I didn't mention this earlier because I was trying to stay focused on the positive today, but it's just so damn hard. The negative swirls around me the second I walk into work each morn like a bad smell. It's exhausting. If I don't get out of that place soon I honestly fear for my health. Work just sucks the life out of me.

Anyway, I walk in TODAY to find that the internet and phone systems were down. Color me fucking surprised. Honestly. I had messages waiting, even little yellow sticky notes on my door. Not a big fan of the "warning" sticky note. Not when I still have my coat on, purse and lunch in hand and no time to get a cup of coffee.

It turns out we had some sort of power outage overnight. I'm guessing it was wind related, but who really knows. I got the internet up eventually and was working on the phone system when my boss walked back into the server room. He was trying to lend some moral support, I guess. As I attempted to reboot the phone server I looked at him and said, "You know that this place is going to turn me into an alcoholic, right?" He wasn't sure how to respond to that and had a worried look on his face. Nuff said.

Take two and call in the morning

I watched one of the funniest episodes of Frasier last night. When I can watch a 30-min sitcom and laugh out loud by myself... you know it's a good show. I love to laugh and think I have a pretty decent sense of humor, but it takes a certain wit to get me going. The writers of Frasier have that certain something.

The King of Queens is the other show that gets me laughing. Lucky for me, my two fav sitcoms are on at bedtime. Or close to. Pending on how exhausted I am (or not) I'll try to catch both of these before I crash. Nothing better than a few hearty laughs to release endorphins and drift off into sleep.

If you need a good laugh at the end of a crappy day, try these for medicine.

Going, going, not gone!

OMG. I just did the dumbest thing ever. I have two reports to write for my online class. I finished the first one, which is saved to my jump drive. Then I started the second one, but wanted to use the formatting of the first. So I opened the first report, edited the title and header, deleted all the content and saved it. But I overwrote the first report by not putting in a new name! I can't believe how stupid I was. Did you ever have that "Oh, Shit" moment when you realized what you've done?

I couldn't recover the file from the recycle bin because I saved it to my jump drive and not the PC itself. I came this close to crapping my pants. Then I calmed down and started to become resourceful. What would any other IT gal do?

I searched around and found a free utility that recovers deleted files from drives. I had no idea if it would work, because we're talking about the jump drive, but it doesn't hurt to try. Sure shit, I installed the utility and it found a ton of crap on the drive. This is amazing stuff! There were 10 versions of my first report from each time I saved when I was writing. (I tend to save files after each paragraph or so because I hate losing work if something unexpected happens.) Um, yeah.

So, you should see all the junk on the jump drive from a long time ago. They aren't kidding when they say that anything can be recovered on a hard drive. Believe you me, watch what you write. Because if an average Jane like me can recover deleted data, just imagine what the real geeks can do.

Deep in the heart of Texas

Laying awake in bed last night I was able to catch up on my HGTV. I've seen a few episodes taped in Texas lately and have always been amazed at how much house these people can buy for $150,000. We're talking beautiful, new, 2000 sq ft ranches. There may be some parts of Texas that aren't for me, but the research I've done on the up and coming Austin looks quite promising. Here are some key reasons why people love Austin:

• Austin touts itself as the Live Music Capital of the World, with good reason — it has nearly 200 concert venues.
• Austin is consistently rated one of America's most livable cities because of its fast-growing economy, abundance of green space — and perhaps the fact that road rage is a rarity. Once, when a driver fell asleep at a red light on a busy street, a line of cars patiently waited for him to finish his nap.
• The phrase "Keep Austin Weird" was on a radio show in 2000. Ever since, it's been the rallying cry of residents bent on preserving the city's funky flavor.
• A street party breaks out on South Congress Avenue on the first Thursday of each month, with restaurants, galleries and shops staying open late and vendors selling tooled Western belts and onesies printed with armadillos. This being Austin, the festivities wouldn't be complete without music — there's always a band playing under the oaks at Güero's Taco Bar.
• At the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center, cofounded by the former first lady to preserve North America's native flora, some 650 indigenous Texas species are spread across more than 20 gardens and meadows.
• Austin is serious about its festivals. Thousands of indie rock, country, and bluegrass fans converge on the city each year for South by Southwest and Austin City Limits.
• Once you watch a movie at an Alamo Drafthouse Cinema with a Texas-brewed Shiner Bock in one hand and a basket of fried pickles in the other, you'll never go back to the multiplex again.

All this and the fact that housing is affordable and job opportunities are still available. It's sounding very much my style. Did I mention that the temps range from 50-85 degrees year round, with January being the coldest, of course. 50 in January! And hell, I like cowboys...

Austin is said to be the new trendy city of the US. I may just have to keep up on my research over the next 10 years.

Just a glutton

Well, wasn't yesterday just a lovely day? We got more ice than I had anticipated and the winds sure kicked in during the afternoon. I saw quite a few chunks of tree in the roads and on people's lawns. My driveway is like a glazed doughnut. This morning I practically did the Chinese splits when walking out of the garage. I haven't done those on purpose since I was in middle school. I think I pulled a groin muscle...

Just when we thought spring was here. I was so pumped when I left work on Friday. The sun was out, crap was melting. There were puddles and mud everywhere. A sure sign of spring! After my week from hell I was all pumped about having a cocktail to release the bad energy around me. And that I did. I hooked up with some old friends for happy hour and let out all my inner demons.

So, this is a new week. I have decided to make this a good week, whether I have control over it or not. Although I was up half the night listening to snow plows scraping concrete on my street, I got up with a positive attitude. Then 10 minutes after I got out of the shower one of my auras started to kick in. I spewed out a few choice words and immediately took a migraine pill, downing it with a hard boiled egg (food may help). It turned out a little less aggressive than last week's attack, so yippy skippy for me. I made it to work with a pulled groin and 90% of my vision, only to see that the email system had crashed again. Are you flippin kidding me?

I don't know why I continue to be punished the way I am. Is it because I haven't gone to church for a while? Or maybe because I use inappropriate language when my world takes a turn for the worse. Somebody is sure out to get me.

My job here is done

After 24 hours of external emails being blocked from entering at work, I figured out the problem. Let me remind everyone that the email system was something that I never administered before, so technically I wasn't responsible for knowing how it all worked. At least not until they fired the guy in the office next to me with 10 minutes notice. Then it became my problem with no training what-so-ever.

I had a little chat with my boss this morning and explained my position. I expressed my discomfort with having to come into work each morn, just waiting for one of these surprised to be sprung on me. Surprises happen, but only those that I have knowledge of. I wasn't hired on as network gal, nor do I desire to become one. There are plenty of positions where the responsibilities of one person can be handed off to another with minimal effort. IT is not one of the departments where this is the case. Our tasks are technical and require specific knowledge. The knowledge can be acquired, but that takes time and handing off of information.

So, I stated my case and unhappiness with how the situation was handled last week. That's all I can do. If I get hit by a short bus next week... then what? Now you have two IT positions unfilled with a whole lot of technical knowledge missing. I'm not asking for a pat on the back or bonus check in the mail. When hell freezes over. All I ask for is respect.

I haven't been losing sleep over any of this, but there is a sense of responsibility and need to succeed because all this networking crap was handed off to me, whether I liked it or not. Let the records show that I am very trainable. And my troubleshooting skills don't suck, either.

People drink for a reason

Home: The girls are still home sick today, barely able to eat. They're coming around slowly... this flu sure kicked their little asses but good.

Work: I have become very displeased with how the "downsizing" of employees turned out from last week. I was handed more responsibilities than I am able to take on at this point. Important systems (like email) are failing and nothing can be done because the email administrator no longer works here! If they're slowly trying to push me out the door by increasing my workload and stress... they are succeeding. Before lunch I was already considering happy hour(s).

School: I met this guy in my new class and there's a real odd story behind it all. At first I thought he had potential, but that idea quickly changed when I got more information on him. It's a long story that I'll have to share later. Sorry.

Well said

I got this great card from a wonderful friend yesterday. There's a retro-ish photo on the front. A mom is sitting in a recliner with a drink in her hand while the little toddler boy stands nearby with his baby bottle.

The inside says: "It takes a cocktail to raise a village."

Gotta love it.
Thanks, Ms K, for thinking of me and making my day.

Kicking the bucket

I wish I had something happy to talk about, because frankly, I'm sick of being such a downer. But, it hasn't been a good morning. They say that good things come to those that wait. Well... I'm waiting.

Ali has been throwing up for the last seven hours and she looks like death. After hour three it's been the dry heave stomach crap and I'm worried about her. I told her to stay in bed with a towel and bucket because the two of us lying on the bathroom floor all night wouldn't have been any fun. So I'm in her room every 20 minutes checking on her and the bucket.

I think I fell asleep a little after 5:00a when Jules walked in with the "mom, I don't feel good". I thought I was dreaming before I saw her starting to gag. I raced into Ali's room and ripped the bucket right out of her hand, passing it to Julia. Poor Ali didn't know what the hell was going on.

So now I have two girls on the living room floor, each with a towel, bucket between them. And they've been sharing it. I walked over to Qmart to grab some 7-up for them and two Krispy Kreemes for me. Breakfast of champions... or zombies.

I guess it's almost better this way than having one kid sick for 24 hours, sanitizing my whole house and then having the next kid start up. This way we can get it over with, clean up and tomorrow is a new day. I hope.

Visual phenomena of the worst kind

What a rough morning. I feel as if someone smacked me in the head with a hammer. Hell, I may be better off if they had.

I heard Jules get up for the bathroom this morn and looked at the clock to see that I had 10 minutes until my alarm would ignite. I was in a foggy haze, so I squeezed my pillow for 15 more minutes until I decided it was time. When I got out of the shower I noticed that my vision was starting to blur. I get this on occasion when a migraine is starting to kick in, so I knew what to do, although I am quite limited when it comes to controlling these situations.

The first sign of the migraine is the aura. An aura leaves me with blurred vision and flashing lights. Focusing on something is near impossible. I tend to get a numb tingling in my left hand (weird, I know) and sometimes my face. This is all due to decreased and increased nerve cell activity in the outer layer of the brain. There's nothing fun about it, and there's also no way to prevent this mess from happening. If I take a migraine pill I can prevent the painful headache from kicking in, but the aura symptoms need to run their course, which is the part that leaves me very vulnerable and unable to function.

I got the kids off to school with some effort and was even able to put a little mascara on, which was quite the feat. I was afraid that I'd be walking out of the house all Tammy Faye. Driving during this experience isn't the best idea, so I chose to sit in the living room for a few minutes with my eyes closed, hoping it would pass. It didn't.

Since I'm the only IT person left at work, I felt it was best to go in. Our 2-man office in Michigan is having network issues and I can just imagine the messages left behind if I stayed home. It took 2-3 hours, but my vision has finally returned and I am able to focus on objects with minimal surrounding lights. I'll be squinting all day, though.

It's difficult to explain these experiences with someone that hasn't gone through it themselves. A headache is one thing, but the brain activity that affects the rest of my body scares the crap out of me. I've had these auras during family gatherings, at class or work and when out in public. The best way to handle them is to sit and close my eyes if possible. And I've had the brain scans and eye exams done to search for a cause, but it's not that simple. There is no prevention; changes in body chemistry, such as menstruation, certain foods, and dozens of environmental influences, such as a change in weather, may trigger an attack.

After it's all over my body becomes very drained and my head feels like it's going to start oozing, like I should wrap a big cloth band aid around my head to keep it all together. Sort of what they do after a person has brain surgery. Maybe a tight little skull cap would offer the same effect for me. Naps help, too. Bedtime is a long ways away...