To tell or not to tell

Tonight I had that conversation with Alison that every parent dreads. No, not the sex talk. The Santa talk. Ugh.

She's been asking a lot of questions the last year about the Easter Bunny, Santa, even the Tooth Fairy. I skirt around it all the best I can, but I have to admit that I'm not very good at improv. I need prep time for this stuff. The last few weeks there've been constant inquiries about whether he's real, why does his handwriting look like mine (I tried!) and "show me a picture of the real St. Nick". She even asked Grandma if she believes. Under no circumstances did I want to burst this kid's bubble, but it was time. I couldn't lie anymore... it felt wrong! And my biggest fear was that she would not let up and eventually spoil things for her little sister. So, to shut her up, we had the talk.

It's hard to get one-on-one time with the girls, so I waited until Jules was in the shower. I sat next to Ali, looked her in the eye and asked why she was asking so many Qs about Santa lately. She told me that a lot of kids at school were telling her that their parents bought the presents. I knew this time would come, but I guess I wasn't ready for it now! Granted she's in third grade and maturing beyond belief, but this is a pivitol moment in a kid's life.

So, we talked. She flat out asked if I was the gift-bearer and I said, "Yes". Her sweet blue eyes filled up for a minute and it broke my heart. I think she knew, but that holiday magic was suddenly torn out of her life. The fantasy was gone and now the reality of "my parents might start skimming on the gifts" set in. After the shock settled we had a nice chat and she promised not to tell anyone. I swore her to secrecy with her sister and all her friends. I believe that she'll keep that promise because later in the eve she had this twinkle in her eye, as if to wink about her special secret with mom. It makes her feel privileged, kind of one-upping her sister.

Tough moment for me. I just hope the little squirt holds out a few years yet. That playground can be brutal.

The one thing that made me laugh was Ali's final question. "So, where do you hide the presents??" Little shit.

Rattle rattle thunder clatter - boom boom boom

One would think that I lived in Chicago. It's windier than shiznit today... and was all through the night. I've always had a thing with the wind. It's one reason that I'd rather live in the city than out in the boonies; I'm a little more sheltered. That, and I enjoy sidewalks, mini-marts and neighbors. The wind can take a completely beautiful day and ruin it.

So, last night the wind was howling pretty good. There are two windows by my headboard and one of the storms doesn't fit very snug. It's an older window and needs replacement. Whenever we have strong winds from a certain direction the stupid thing rattles. Loudly. It's enough to wake a poor mom, and it does. I slept very little last night and will pay dearly later on. Luckily Sally Severson said the winds will diminish this aft and I should be good for tonight.

The last time I complained about the stupid window my dad asked why I didn't just go sleep downstairs. Tempting as that is, I love my bed and couldn't imagine getting more sleep on the couch. I believe the real solution here is to get some new windows upstairs! It's on the list.

On another note: How many bad hair days can a gal really have before it's time to make a change? All windy days aside, I need help.

How does this body work?

I feel like a huge slug today. I had a list of things to do last night and only three hours to accomplish it all, so I skipped my workout. And in that three hour period I started getting hungry, so I chowed three pieces of pizza. Guilt came over me at bedtime.

People say that the female body goes through some changes when nearing 40 and I'd have to agree. I'll be 40 in May and I'm already seeing shifts in my body. The metabolism is numero uno. I've been blessed with my father's metabolism. For those of you that know him, this is a good thing, he is very thin. We can eat anything we want and usually not pay the price. I may have to watch it a tad, but with his metabolism and my moderate appetite, I've always been fairly petite. Over the last year I've put on a few pounds and have noticed that while my eating habits haven't changed, the room left in my pants sure has! I refuse to buy a new wardrobe or eat like a fly, so the goal is to get a few pounds off through the workouts, just so I'm comfortable.

Another thing that is supposed to change when women hit 40 is their drive. I'll always remember a conversation I had with a woman in Alaska, back in 1997. We were having a cookout, eating Alaskan red salmon and WI Johnsonville brats. Our friend's neighbor said, "Just you wait. Wonderful things will happen when you turn 40." Of course we are all different creatures with different wants and likes, but I'll have to give her credit where it is due. There is definitely an upside to this age thing.

Monday, Monday.... (sing it)

As much as I enjoy long weekends, I'm also glad to see them end. I need that sense of normalcy and schedule in my life. Hanging out all the time and be-bopping around does actually get old. Back to school and work I say!!

What did I do all weekend?
Thursday - Turkey was good. Spent the day cheerleading for the Pack and having dinner/drinks with the parents, the girls and my aunt and uncle. Good day.

Friday was a day of sorrow and laughs. I went to my boss's funeral and oddly enough there were both emotions throughout the day. Mike was the owner and CEO of the company. Just a man full of energy and zest. His death came as a shock to us all and it's been difficult to imagine life without him. As one coworker said in the receiving line, "I thought Mike was immortal". I couldn't have said it better myself. The visitation was crowded, one of the longest lines I've seen. They cut it short to start the memorial service and there was standing room only in the church. If that doesn't tell you what kind of guy he was....
The part of the service that really tugged at the heart was when his three adult children spoke, remembering their dad. I cried and I laughed... the stories were heartfelt.
After the service a group of colleagues met at Bushwood, because that's what Mike would have done. We had a few drinks, shared stories and had a few more laughs. It was a nice way to end the day of celebrating Mike's life.

Saturday we had some friends over in the aft. Pizza, snacks and a few drinks later our friends went home and I was wiped. A little sluggish from Bushwood and then trying to kick it with a bloody made KB one tired soldier. Unfortunately my girls remembered that I promised to put the Xmas tree up. Damn! I hate when they hang on my every word like that. So, I had to oblige to avoid four more hours of whining. Long story short, not good. I bought a pre-lit last year after the holidays and this was the first time out of the box. A whole section wasn't lit up and I was Td!! I went bulb to bulb, searching for the problem and finally found a broken one. This was two hours into the experience and let's just say that the girls were staying quiet in the other room avoiding me because it was real obvious how I felt about the whole situation. Grrrr.

Sunday - Church, Target, shrimp primavera, decorating the tree (finally), snack, and then reading book time.

Not a complete upper of a weekend, but that's what you get. If everything went my way I wouldn't learn anything new.

What's important - flannel and family

There are a handful of people in the office today and unfortunately I am one of them. Luckily I'll be able to do the happy dance at noon. Denise and I are hitting El Camino for lunch, huge yum, and then I'm coasting the rest of the day. I told the girls I'd take them out for pizza later and I just got a new Netflix movie for us to watch... so that just equals fun! I already bought the food I need for Tgiving dinner, we don't have any obligations tonight and my floors are actually clean. Sounds like time to relax!

As much as I enjoy getting out in the world, I have to admit that a cozy night at home ranks pretty high on the list. Especially when it's chilly and gloomy like today. We'll have our pjs on at 5:00, fighting for a position on the couch. There's nothing like hanging out with those two little girls and a couple of blankets.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
We have plenty to be thankful for... I know I do.

Shake your groove thing

Let me just start by saying that if Marie Osmond doesn't get kicked off of DWTS pretty damn soon I'm going to boycott the show, period. As if it wasn't ridiculous enough that my Cheetah Girl, Sabrina, was voted off weeks ago when she was the favorite to win. (At least she walked off the show with a new, hot, dancing beau!) Marie, sorry sweetheart, but it's time...

I think I should also clarify as to why I'm watching DWTS. My mother got the girls hooked on it and now they make me watch it. It all started when Apolo Ohno was on. I've been in love with him since the first day I saw him on the ice. I still have two photos of him from the 2002 Olympics taped to the side of my printer at work. (xoxo, baby). In 2003 Steve and I got tickets to see him race at the Pettit Center. Yes, Steve was reluctant, but later agreed to go. Well, Apolo had to cancel last minute for some reason and I ended up tossing the tickets. I was crushed.

The season that Apolo was on DWTS, he won, BTW!! He and his partner, Julianne, were the cutest things ever and they rocked on the dance floor. I SO wanted to be her. A girl can dream, right?

Fess up

Have you been keeping up on this creep, Drew Peterson, from Illinois? He's a police sergeant that is being accused of wrong doings with more than one wife. The guy has had four wives by his early 50s and I just don't get it. Have you seen pictures? His current wife is 30 years his junior. What did she see in him?

Wife 4 is now missing. She disappeared on Oct. 23rd and nobody has heard a word from her. And she left two young children behind. Hmmm. His third wife was said to have an accidental death in the bath tub, but they recently exhumed her body for another autopsy. Now they think her death was a homicide staged to look like an accidental drowning. The second wife just piped up and made claims that Drew had threatened to kill her and said he could make it look like an accident. Wife 3 and 4 had also emailed and told friends/family that they feared for their lives and that he threatened them, as well.

So now, after a period of hiding, Drew is speaking out with his lawyer. He was upset to find out that wife 3's death was a murder. He claims wife 4 ran off with another man, hence her sudden disappearance. And he is unhappy with wife 2's accusations because he thought they were friends. Honestly, something's just not adding up here. The guy's relationship history is too much for it to all be coincidental.

After watching him in an interview with Matt Lauer, I am convinced that he's guilty of wife 3 and 4's deaths. Matt pretty much said the same thing. The way that Drew sat, his lack of emotions and even a giggle when he told wife 4 to come home... he's just another Scott Peterson all over again.

I'm seeing red

I've always had an issue with being able to celebrate one holiday at a time. Let's prep for the holiday coming up in a few weeks and then do the next one after that. Easy, right?

Christmas is the one holiday that's blown way out of proportion and we certainly need more time to get ready for it, not to mention money. What an expensive holiday! Maybe that's why it was never my favorite. It takes so much energy and causes so much stress that it just sucks the life out of people at times. Think about all the hustling and bustling you do to get everyone just the right gift and all the last minute crap, like candies and cookies and decorating and ugh!! I'm no scrooge, but holidays are meant to be a time of celebration, not debt and exhaustion.

My irritation today stemmed from two things. First, I'm seeing Christmas decorations on houses already. Garland and red bows tied to the front porch. There's a house one block away that was decorated two weeks ago. Then the house across from me still has corn stalks and pumpkins out. Can we all celebrate the same holiday, please?
Second, I went to Walmart this aft. Enough said. It was a peckin zoo. There were Christmas songs playing and bells ringing. I know that people are out in full force jumping on the shopping (and I'll admit that all my Christmas shopping is done!), but maybe we could halt the cheesy tunes for a while yet. How many times am I going to have to listen to "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" in the next six weeks? It's not a real chart topper.

I still have my "November" decorations in the house, which include some pilgrims, indians, three scarecrows and a cool looking turkey. I think I'll take them down next weekend, after Thanksgiving. One holiday at a time.

Remember me? Come on in!

Have you ever had those dreams where you're "with" someone from work? Last night I did, but it was my boss from the early 90s!! It was odd as hell and I haven't seen this guy since who knows when. I will admit that I had similar dreams of him twice before, years ago when I was married. Now (A) I'm not attracted to this guy and (B) I'm not even sure that his personality works for me.

Why do we do this?

Excuse me, sir

I decided to get a quick workout in tonight. My mom wanted to have the girls over for dinner, so that gave me a short window to run up to the HS. I started going there a few weeks ago because it's convenient, and well, it's free!

I've used a few machines there, but not the elliptical yet. Wanting to start with that I hopped on and previewed the control panel. Nothing happened when I pressed "Quick start". I looked around and there were two guys in the room with me. One right next to me, completely drenched and going to town on his elliptical, and a younger guy across from me kicking it up on the treadmill. The younger guy looked familiar. I think he was a counselor at Camp Ykoda last summer. He was just finishing up, so I waved him over my way and explained that I was a newbie on this machine and clueless. He was very nice and quick to help. First he told me that I had to start moving on the machine. Doh! So I did, and it started up. Then the sweaty guy next to me said that I was going backwards! OK, I reverse directions and try again. Young guy showed me a few more things and then said I needed to go faster for it to really kick in. He left and I decided to screw it after progress wasn't being made.

Meanwhile sweaty guy is still giving 'er. I move to the stairmaster and get going, tunes cranked on the mp3. Sweaty guy walks up to me 5 minutes later and motions whether or not I want the tv remote, I just nod "I'm good" and he walks away. OMG!! I just realized that I had a date with this guy! He's a teacher that I went out with once. We lacked chemistry, so there was only one date. Did he recognize me?? If he did, would he have approached me like that? Maybe he didn't? Hmmm.

The beginning of that date was actually a funny story, but I'll have to save it for another time.

To wrap this up, another woman hopped on that elliptical, futzed for a few minutes and moved to another one. I couldn't hear what she said to her friend (it wasn't important enough to turn the tunes down), but instinct tells me that the machine wasn't functioning properly. Turns out I'm not the pathetic loser after all.

It all begins somewhere

Wow. Here I am. I have a million thoughts on my mind right now. Where to start?!

A few months ago I took over a friend's blog per her request after she was no longer able. I've always been a writer (known to ramble at times) and really enjoy it. To clarify, I wasn't happy to be Carol's proxy, because she passed away in July of 07, but I do enjoy being able to write down my thoughts and feelings, and share that with others. Carol's blog also gives me the opportunity to stay connected with her family and friends and keep her memory alive.

So this... this is about me. It has become my new online journal. It's more for my own benefit. To track the going-ons in my life and express how I feel about what's up in this crazy world we live in. But it's also incredibly therapeutic for me. Writing has become my release. I think some of my friends would agree that I can get long winded when writing. Sara could email and ask how my day is going... the next thing you know she receives four to five paragraphs of just that! Probably more than she bargained for!

Feel free to keep me as a favorite and check in when time allows. See what's going on in that exciting life of mine! *choking on orange drink* And please leave comments when you feel the need! I welcome all comments, because what you have to say is just as important as what I have to say. Sometimes maybe more so!

And on that note I will welcome you all to my virtual world.
Enjoy and rock on.