Closing this chapter

After a few weeks of contemplation I have decided that it's time to wrap up The Third Life. Whether it's an issue of time, energy or commitment, the combination has left me with this choice for now. I enjoy the journaling and hope to find another means in the near future, whether I pursue professional blogging communities or a more personal approach.

I am unsure of my following since comments left were minimal, so if you do have interest in any potential blogs for the future, feel free to drop me a note. I will keep you informed.

Thanks for caring about what I had to say... but all things must eventually come to an end, right?

One more thing

What really irritated me today...

There's this kid on Ali's invite list for the party. She must've told Al ten times that she was coming to the party and would RSVP "tonight", even giving specific times that she would call, like 4:45pm. The kid never called.

So after three weeks of no hear, I figured it was a safe bet to take the kid off the list. Today she calls 1.5 HOURS before the party and asks if it's too late to call. Ya fricken think? So I told Al it was fine, whatever. We had a last minute cancellation, so there were enough treats and goodie bag crap for the procrastinator.

The kid never showed. Couldn't believe it. Call me a bitch, but I would never pull something so rude or irresponsible. Yes, it's a 10 yr-old's party and not dinner at the White House, but still. Ali counts on these friends and she felt bad that this kid jerked her around. Will I hold a grudge against this kid? Sounds silly, but probably.

Gotta ketchup

So, it's no secret that I haven't been around much lately. All I can do is reiterate that I've never been this busy in my life. And when I do have a few spare minutes I'm usually taking time to eat or sit down. It really has been that nuts. Since our last round of layoffs, work has been a whirlwind for me. There are still a whole lot of uncertainties there, but it's employment right now and my task list has quadrupled the last few months.

I finished a few courses the other week, so at least I'm down to one right now. The current class is about career assessment and putting your ducks in a row. We're reviewing resumes and cover letters. I found out last Thursday that what I thought was a pretty thorough documentation of my last 20 years of experience really comes off as a freaking novel that nobody wants to read. So, this week I have to revamp the whole resume and pick more of a functional format rather than a chronological one. I also have to run it past an HR instructor (who is a pretty cool dude) to see if he finds me hireable based on the new credentials.

Home life is good. We had Ali's 10th bday party today at the pool. While we kept it simple, I still found out that it's a lot of work when doing it solo. I'm fricken spent tonight. A big thanks to Lisa for helping me with the drink serving and gift opening. My friends are good people.

The kid got a new bike last week and this party today, so on the 13th (her actual "coming out") there will probably be nothing more than a big hug and kiss. She'll be good with that. She owes me one, anyway. I spent 22 hours in labor with that little shit while her Chuck Brown head jammed into my back, facing the wrong way. We finally pulled her out C-section at a whompin' 8.5 lbs. The kid was a tank. I swear that was God's little sense of humor for my teen years.

Tomorrow is my day. The big M-O-M. We've mapped out a pretty nice day. Breakfast with Janie and then we're taking her to Walmart to pick out a hanging plant. I usually get her one ahead of time, but minutes ran out and she seemed pleased to pick her own. It's a win-win. We were invited to gal-pal Sara's for lunch. She is having her mother and inlaws over. I suggested she just keep it family and her responses were "It's my day and I want somebody fun here" plus " You guys are family, too". I'm thinking a little bloody mary at noon and we'll coast from there.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the fantastic ladies that were brave enough to have children. It's rewarding, even if you DO pee yourself sometimes when you sneeze.

Good times

I'm tired.

Madison was exhausting, but I enjoyed every minute of it. Each time I go to a larger city, though, I come home depressed. I'm so not a small town girl. I wish I would have made the big move in my 20s. Now I'm stuck.

My bday was about as uneventful as it comes. The drive home, a nap, some laundry... how much better can it get?

Spank that

Ran into an old beau the other day. I walked into the bike shop and he stared at me like he saw a ghost. Considering that he doesn't live in the same town that I do and he came to MY town, was it really such a big surprise? Not that I normally hang out in bike shops...

Had another round of oral surgery this morn. They numbed me instead of putting me out. It hurt pretty good, but I told them to do what they had to, just want this over with. That bastard tooth was moving and they sawed away at some bone to make more room for it to come down. The saw part was my second least favorite part. My first least favorite was when he stuck the big needle into my upper pallet to numb me. Yeah.

Immediately after the surgery I ran over to my ortho. They're buddies and talk. The ortho re-pimped my tooth with the chain and I was good to go. Cross fingers that the tooth moves down now. If we don't start seeing some more progress they will have to extract the tooth altogether and put a fake one in, which is uber bucks.

Off to Madison Friday morn. A weekend of relaxation, cocktails and doing whatever I want to with some best gal pals. I turn 41 at 1:00p on Sunday.

Born to ride

I took some risks this morning. First, I decided to drive the Vino to work. Tad bit chilly (49 when I left) and it got cooler the faster I went. I wore my little biking gloves with the fingers cut out to help cover my hands. I took Rangeline Road, which is one of the crapiest roads in the area. I hit a few bumps and flew up, almost airborne. Scared me a bit.

I decided to turn off onto the trail to get a smoother ride. Having missed the turn, I had to do a u-banger on Rangeline to go back. There was a car coming at me, but I made it in time. When I got off the trail a few minutes later I noticed a huge line of cars coming towards me. Not wanting to waste any more time, I decided to give er' and cross the road seconds before they reached me. Probably not the best idea, but again, I made it.

When I got to work I took my glasses off and there were streams of teams running down my face. My ears were numb, too. Was it all worth it? Absolutely. Having paid only $1.38 to fill the tank last weekend, well worth it indeed.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it

Through a course at school and the last few months of my life I have learned a lot about how I respond to people and/or issues. I tend to be quick to judge. I also tend to react without taking the appropriate time to step back and cool down. Knowing what I know now, I have made conscious efforts to handle things in a more laid back manner.

For instance, the last two days I have been getting bombarded with emails from an annoying individual at work. Luckily this individual lives in another state and I don't have to view their abrasive mug in person. That would make my life that much more difficult.

Annoying person has tried my patience and attacked my work ethic without even knowing it. Sadly, annoying person lives in his own Fd up little world that has rules of its own.

So, the old KB would have shot back an emailing telling this SOB exactly what I thought. Because I'm one to stick up for myself and I don't care how big annoying person is. My email would have been professional with a slight tone of bitch, just to make my point. I think I'm good at that flavor of email.

But, the new KB decided to do what was right. Not that I was concerned about adding to the conflict or having to deal with the repercussions from my boss. I felt that I needed to take the cool down time and sit on my hands for a while. It was tough, let me tell you, but I did it. And in the end, I'm the better person.

There may come a day where I snap, because hey, I'm human. When that happens I'll still be proud of myself.

Bad bytes and bullshit

I'm having a few rough days here, so this will be brief.

Friday and Saturday... good days. Couple cocktails with friends, got lots done outside at the house, zoomed around on the Vino. Nothing to complain about.

Sunday and Monday... suck. I was battling viruses on my work laptop, which is the pc I use pretty much everywhere I go. That became a very painful, depressing experience for me. Today has been a mixture of putting out fires and dealing with demands from all directions. I'm in the process of setting up a new pc for myself, but it's a slow process that consumes time I don't have. I've also had to deal with this prick sales guy in MI, and he's one variable that I would like removed from my day.... thank you very much.

Oh, and I have a 2000-word application paper due tomorrow. Haven't started it. Yeah...

Beat it

What's the appropriate amount of time to listen to telemarketers before it's not rude to hang up? If I had my way I would say 2 seconds, or however long it takes to realize that these clowns are on the other end of the line.

I don't pick up these calls at home. I can monitor the caller ID (it even shows up on my TV) and avoid them altogether. At work it's another story. I have ID there, also, but sometimes it doesn't display properly. I usually let it go to vmail, unless it says "Janie", "the X" or any of my close friends.

This morning I made the mistake of picking it up because I thought the number looked familiar. Duh. Some guy in Green Bay trying to sell communications equipment. He talked about appts. he had in the area tomorrow and what time would I like to see him? He has a 1:00 open.

How presumptuous of him, to just fit himself into my schedule like that. I told him that I didn't have time, declined his offer for a day next week and then explained that my days are too sporadic to commit to a time with him. I also explained that we have NO MONEY, like the rest of the businesses in these rough economic times, and that he could go away now. After the guy continued to ramble about what he had to offer me, I just hung up. It felt mean. It really did. But you know what? He chooses to subject himself to rejection each day... not my problem.

What I look forward to

Racing home after class tonight to jump in bed with my jams on and watch my DVRd version of American Idol. I look forward to Tuesdays so I can see my boyfriend, Adam.

Pretty soon they'll be performing two songs a night and I'll get to see him TWICE.

Now THIS is what I should be dreaming about.

Licking a lepper

OK, so I was debating whether I would discuss this dream I had last night. Dreams say a lot about a person, although I honestly believe that we have little control over them and they don't necessarily define us or what we're thinking.

With that said, I was being held captive, sort of. It was a crowded area and this guy had some sort of control over me. If you watch Survivor, he looked like Tyson with sores all over his face and body. Yeah, yummy, right??

The guy made me undress in this public place. It was almost like a medieval concert or outdoor festival area. I guess you could qualify it as a rape without ultimate force. I had to put on this weird, flowy black/white blouse and forget what the rest of the outfit was like. Then the dream became sexual. Very.

It started out like he was forcing himself on me, but I was grooving on it. My mindset was that if I enjoyed it he wouldn't be so violent and might back off a bit. Well, let's just say that the whole intimate act (in a crowd of hundreds of people) ended mutually. Even though the dude had scabs all over his face and testicles. I know... nice, huh??

I tried to figure this one out when I woke up, but haven't come up with anything yet.

Necessary separation

I'm in a bit of a funk today. I've been dealing with kids not feeling well for a week, which has taken its toll on me. Even this morn Julia was crying of a stomach ache and I couldn't find any compassion left in me. I just wanted her to get her shoes on and go to school. I don't want to be in my house anymore with kids lying on the couch, coughing into blankets. It's getting old. If she craps her pants at school, I'll go pick her up. Otherwise I need to get out and be with adults for the day.

I probably sound like a cold, heartless excuse for a human that won't be nominated for mother of the year anytime soon. Maybe I am at times. But, it's also human to want to remove yourself from these situations once in a while. We all need time to regroup.

State your name

Today is like the day before Christmas. People start filtering out of the office and before you know it we are living in a ghost town. I'll probably take off a few minutes early, but nothing serious. I have enough to do and there's no reason to rush home. Janie is there with sick Julia.

Tomorrow I'm taking the girls out of town to do some shopping, so I'm hoping that everyone is healthy and spunky! I tried on a few things myself the other day and did end up purchasing a couple items, but I have to say that trying on clothes is and will always be one of my least favorite things to do. Sometimes I'll even buy the crap and just take it home, willing to risk the return factor.

The dressing rooms at TJMaxx have the brightest lights ever and make me look extremely unattractive, all fat-thighed and pasty. There's nothing good about that whole experience, period. The rooms at Kohl's are OK, but damn, is it hot in there. I'm very cold blooded and am now starting to leave my coat in the car. Those rooms are also a complete shambles when they have big sale days.

The key to the dressing room nightmare is to bring an extra size along, wear easy, slip-off clothes and don't attempt trying things on if you just ate or got your period. It's all about timing. You have to be feeling very pretty to look at yourself in a full length mirror wearing nothing but underwear with the interrogation lights on.

The air we breathe

More strange behavior. Today they fired one of our production workers because she was caught huffing canned air. Apparently this isn't the first time, or second or third. I'm not real sure why she was allowed to stick around this long. Especially since she has a pretty colored past with history of abuse and other issues. Anyway, just weird crap.

I can't imagine what kind of buzz one would catch off of chemical inhalants. Nothing I've ever tried. I'm guessing it would cause nausea and one hell of a headache. To each his own.

Copy thy neighbor

I had class last night - Team Building and Problem Solving. Not one of my fav classes, but it's cake. You just have to participate in class (be part of the team) and hand in one paper and do one presentation at the end.

At the end of the eve our instructor said he was going to have to throw in a large final exam, which he normally doesn't do in his courses. We all reacted at once, explaining that we were following his requirements he handed out in week one, so why this sudden change?

Apparently there were some people cheating on our online quizzes and Andy was furious. This was his punishment. I'm telling you, these online quizzes are a breeze. We have to do two each week, but you can take them over and over again until you get a perfect score. Good grief, they even display the correct answers for you. All Andy asks is that you print off the first page that displays your score, and hand them in. There's no reason that anyone couldn't get 100%.

Someone was printing the sheets and then making photo copies for another student, meaning student two wasn't even doing the quizzes. As Andy was explaining the situation I looked around the room for facial expressions. My guess was that it's these two annoying chicks that sit across from me. One feels that she is a resource for everything and the other never says a word, not even when Andy calls on her. They text each other during class and pass notes. It's all very juvenile. The quiet one always looks wasted, with these droopy, makeup smeared eyes. I can't tell if it's just her look, or what type of drugs she's actually doing.

So, after we all voiced our opinions of how unfair this was, Andy said he needed to resolve the issue or they could face possible expulsion from the school. The Dean considered this plagiarism. He said he'd consider replacing the exam with an alternate leadership exercise if these people came forward. With that, I gave these ladies the evil eye for a while.

Following that conversation we had about 20 minutes of group time to discuss our team presentations and then most of us left. As we were walking down the hall we saw Andy talking with the two ladies! I knew it!! Bunch of bitches...

Of course the words were flying when we all got out in the parking lot and you can be sure that there will be some sore feelings if they can't get Andy to back off on that exam. I have to give them a little credit for coming forward, especially right there since we all saw them talking in the hall. I just can't believe a grown adult would have such balls. I don't know who's paying for their educations, but this shit should be taken seriously.

Proud moment

The other day I was picking Ali up from choir after school. I saw her standing on the sidewalk talking to another girl. She gave me the "just a minute" finger, so I figured they must've been wrapping up a real important conversation.

When she got in the car she told me that she was talking to a new girl. Alison had shared her book with new girl in choir and was befriending her. That made me feel really good, knowing that my daughter was one to be kind to the new kids and help them adapt to the new environment.

We've all been the new kid in one situation or another. There's nothing more comforting than having someone show you the ropes or start a friendly conversation. That's Alison. She has always been the socialite; being able to make friends in any situation we hand her. I was proud as hell, knowing that I raised her right.

I'm gonna rock and roll all night

I got up at 10:00 this morn, which is probably the latest I've slept since... I don't know. Let's just say that it's been a really long time.

A guy I work with plays in a Manitowoc band and they were in the area last night. It's a pretty rockin band, some of the tunes a little heavier than others, but they sounded great. They played a few of my favorite songs, including some from Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam and Stone Temple Pilots. I've always been one for live bands and enjoyed being able to rock out for a night.

I do have to say that the bar is probably the smokiest one I've ever been in. Maybe second to Big Jimmy's. The minute we walked in I knew it was going to be rough. I'm guessing 90% of the patrons were lighting up and it took a toll on me. Especially having just come off of a run with strep throat. It's probably a good thing that I haven't finished my antibiotics yet. The first things I did when I got up this morn were clear my throat, get something to drink and take a shower to get the stench out of my hair. It was making me gag.

Anyway, I managed to drop only one bottle of beer on the ground and it didn't break. I bopped a little, but most of those tunes weren't exactly the dancing kind. And I had some very interesting conversations with my coworkers. All in all, a very entertaining eve.

Stop the clocks

I have to say that I don't even think about blogging that much anymore. Not that I don't want to, but I have minimal free time. Funny things still happen to me, as do things that piss me off. It's just a matter of what needs to get done first throughout the day. I even forget about lunch until I start feeling sick sometimes.

This is probably the busiest I've ever been in my life. I could go on about what's happening at work, but it doesn't matter. The days fly by and I never know what time it is. At home I'm either doing homework or running the girls from choir, to scouts or back to a friend's house. My house is filthy, but I find ways to work around that. When the dust starts getting real thick on the TV I just blow it off. The shower gets cleaned when I'm in it. And the floors, well, they get mopped when I start seeing furballs and feeling sticky spots. It just has to be this way for a while.

We do manage to wear clean clothes and find food in the fridge, so it really could be worse. All of our needs are being met, I just wouldn't recommend sleeping or eating off my floors.

So, if I skip a day here and there, this is why. I'm either plunging a clogged toilet by Julia (last night) or going through the 15 school papers that came home in the backpacks that day.

It's my mother!

Did you ever have one of those moments when you looked in the mirror and thought, "Holy crap, I'm really starting to age." I mean, I feel OK and don't think I'm old by any means, but I'm starting to look different. The gray, wirey hairs are multiplying and the face isn't as taught as it used to be. When I turn my head I notice more neck wrinkles. Crap like that.

Hey, it's a natural process and I'm not mortified or anything. Just saying...

Chillin

Today is a good day. Nobody got in my face.

I rearranged my office because I had to fit some more work crap in and I was maxed on space. I removed some shelves and the new arrangement feels much roomier. I even have some space to dance a little jig if the mood strikes.

After I got settled I jammed some online Coffeehouse tunes and I was set. Coffeehouse music makes me feel like I'm in a trendy little joint in Madison or the Haight-Ashbury district. It puts me in a good place. Just laid back and kinda groovy. That's me... groovy.

Wake up Edison

OK, I had a few hours to calm down. While I still hold to everything I said in my last post, I AM able to put things into perspective now that I am removed from the situation.

I'm still a little pissy. But once I'm home I realize that it's easy enough for me to step out of that bad air and see what's really important. I still sleep at night. After 3:00 that crap doesn't come home with me.

Tonight, when the girls started talking about summer school or my teaching them how to play cribbage, a light bulb went off in my head. The light bulb had text printed across it saying, "Fuck those people at work." Focus on these girls and creating their memories.

Rated R for language

I got home at 3:20p and made myself a drink by 3:25p. That's sad. (And maybe not such a good mix with the antibiotics), but that's how sick I am of having shitty days at work. Bunch of bastards.

I'm sick of decisions that are being made, the workload that is being put on people and the bullshit lack of respect. Everyone has bad days, but when it starts becoming a daily pattern, something needs to change.

I'm getting to the level of hatred I had when working at Kaytee. There were a couple bitches there that felt threatened by me in some shape or form and they made my life hell. I quit after a year, lucky enough to find a job my last week there. These days it isn't that easy. I won't be able to find a job... for a very long time.

But honestly, every fucking morning I get up in a good mood and put a positive spin on the day. I really do. I know what I have to do that day and set out to be productive. Never fails, before noon, someone has to piss all over my parade.

It's time to really start thinking outside that damn box. I need a solution. I need to find the next 10 years of my life. There doesn't need to be such a separation from my work life to my home life. I'm looking for a sense of unity. I'm a smart kid... I'll come up with something.

Like swallowing concrete

I've been trying to avoid going to the Dr. at all costs. It's just another expense and everyone gets a virus here and there. But, after another night of severe pain in my throat and no sleep, I broke down. I'm starting to swell, too, which isn't a good sign.

The Dr. said I have strep. I half suspected that before the test results came back. Of course I started back tracking to where I was earlier in the week. I don't know anyone else that has it, so where did it come from? Germ-ridden carts at the store? Someone coughing next to me at school? It is what it is and there's no turning back, but with science not being my best subject I tend to wonder how people catch this crap.

I've been steering away from the girls as much as possible the last few days since I felt something coming on, so I'm crossing fingers that they'll be fine. It's pretty hard for me not to kiss and squeeze them on a regular basis, but I knew it was best. I'm still contagious until I have 24 hours of meds in me, so Janie picked up Jules this morn and Ali will go over there after her basketball game. I feel like one of those leppers with the Quarantine sign hanging over the door.

I never had strep before, but I can tell already that it's one of my least favorite types of bacteria.

They shoot horses, don't they?

I've been feeling like crap the last few days. Having a normal cold is one thing, but I've got the achy body and my throat is killing me. I can barely swallow, let alone eat. Makes for some long nights... so I'm also tired as hell! I took vacation today to do something fun with the girls, but the plan has been altered a bit because I'm not up for public activities. Instead they're having some friends over for the day while I hang low.

We just got back from Walgreens, where I purchased three different types of the nastiest medicine ever. Really, this daytime Tylenol stuff for my throat is labeled "Cool Burst" and it sent shivers down my spine and left me gagging. Anything that tastes that horrific has to do its job.

Tomorrow I have tickets with my friend, Jill, to go to a beer/wine tasting event. Not so sure that alcohol is a good idea, so I may have to call her tonight and figure something out.

Julia is annoying the ever living crap out of me right now. You know how your tolerance diminishes when you're not feeling well? I would give anything for solitude.

It'll be a cold day in he!!

A little word of advice. Don't take crap from anyone. Especially when it comes to your money. I recently paid off my credit card bill, like I always do if it's used. I don't like to carry a balance. I used it to purchase something worth a few hundred dollars because I get cash points back. When I sent in my payment, I ended up being four days late and they charged me a late fee.

$39 for being four days late. A little extreme, don't you think? Plus they tacked on $2.82 for finance charges. I was a little Td. The balance should have come back as $0. Granted $41.82 isn't a ton of money, but I had no intention of paying it. I put forth great effort over the years to ensure that my credit rating was stellar. I never missed a payment and almost always paid in full. I'm not one of their $20 payment customers. I was going to make sure that they knew this.

So, I called this morn and explained that I was disputing the charges. If they refused to cave I was going to cancel the card and go with another financial institution. The first CS agent I got barely spoke English and after spelling my street address four times I just hung up. Seriously.

The second CS agent I got was pleasant and sent me right on to another financial gal. I stated my case, throwing in my credit and payment history and she waved the fees. Just like that. Little easier than I thought.

The answer is blowing in the wind

Today is my first official day of having the sheets on the line for 2009.
And we all know how I feel about that.

Normal or not?

I've got to be one of the only morons that calls the mortgage company, looking for more coupons to make extra payments! I make partial payments every two weeks, so eventually I get ahead of my schedule. I do the same with auto loans. Paying half every payday reduces the amount of interest over time because you put extra down in those two months that have an extra pay period. My mortgage broker told me that you can pay off a 30-yr loan in 23 years that way.

So, I'm payed up a few months in advance and ran out of coupons to mail in. I called my mortgage company and they said they wouldn't be mailing my new ones until the end of April. OK, but I want to make a payment now, just to stay on the bi-weekly plan.

Then I started thinking, should I take a month or two off and wait for the coupons? That's a lot of money I could put away, being the little miser that I am. Even if I put two months mortgage in the bank, it could be our 2010 spring trip to AZ that I promised the yardapes. But could I live with myself?? I like being ahead of the game, cranking my credit rating up to an A+. Does that make me some sort of freak?

Or what if I become unemployed down the road? Then it would be best to have the mortgage paid ahead at that time, giving me some leeway when the income wasn't flowing in. Being the thrift-seeker that I am, this is the route I chose. I sent a payment in.

Honestly, I'm no fun sometimes.

Lump it or leave it

I forgot to mention that the stupid lump hasn't gone away yet. They put me on an antibiotic and it did nothing. Then they sent me to a general surgeon. His best guess is that it'll have to be removed, but we can wait a few months. It might still disappear, it might not. He doesn't think waiting will hinder my health any.

Here's what I found odd. Before the surgeon gave me his opinion that it wasn't anything to worry about, this breast care coordinator lady comes in the room. She tells me who she is and offers to answer any questions. Then she said that she could sit in the room with me if I needed support since I was there solo. I refused this stranger's emotional assistance and she continued to touch my hand, telling me to take care, as if I was being prepped for some terminal news.

Why would they do this?? I didn't walk into my appointment all freaked out that I had cancer, but this lady sure did her best to instill that thought into my brain. Maybe she should back off and wait for the doctors to dish out the bad news before she starts holding hands. Even though I was feeling comfortable with my situation after the ultrasounds and mammograms, she almost had me second guessing whether the other doctors were lying to me about the lymph node diagnosis. Whether she was just doing her job or not, what a bitch.

Love is a battlefield

I've been talking to a friend lately about his recent breakup with his girlfriend. It got me thinking. Seeing what he's going through and hearing about all the heartache... makes me glad to be single. There are pros and cons to being in a relationship and one day I hope to find that man that makes me tingle, but right now I choose to wait. I've been kicked in the gut enough to know that I'm not ready to take on the responsibility of trusting another person.

Relationships take time and energy; a whole lot of it. Watching someone go through the process of starting their life over without a partner reminds me of what I'm not missing. That wanting to call the other all the time or seeing things that remind me of them... that's tough stuff. Married or not, a breakup hurts. It sucks the life out of you and leaves you crippled for a while.

As my friend was sharing details of his situation it was hard not telling him to pick himself up and move on. I know it's not that easy and I could definitely put myself in his shoes. Love is a gamble, as are many other things in life. It would be boring to always take the safe path, right?

Rock a bye

How well do you really know your neighbors?

Monday night I saw the family that lives to the west of me. You know, the ones that seal all their windows shut (literally) and only breathe air from the furnace or AC. They are a couple in their 30s with a little girl, maybe 3-4 years old. Well, they walked by my house and I saw the mother carrying a newborn baby! They got pregnant and had a baby and I never knew about any of it.

It's not like these people are outside all the time. I only see him when we're cutting grass or blowing snow. And our yards are fenced, so even if they do rarely hang in back, we wouldn't see them. It was just sort of a weird "hey, where'd that baby come from?" moment.

I'm wondering if I should drop off a card or gift. What's the etiquette on baby gifts when you don't know the age, gender or name of the baby? Wouldn't it be kind of stupid to acknowledge the baby now when he/she may be a few months old? I see David outside here and there, but I probably haven't seen his wife, outside from an occasional wave in her car, for almost a year.

Maybe I'll wait until I see them outside sometime and approach the subject.

The other side of the alter

I've been procrastinating this paper I have to write for my Ethics/Diversity class. We had to select a topic a few weeks ago and I decided to go with something religion-ish, although it wasn't really making me all giddy. After I started doing research I veered off into a more specific topic of Catholic priests and marriage, or lack of. It's been a highly controversial issue for years and there are so many avenues to take. Should they be able to marry because reverends and ministers of other religions can? It's not fair, right? And then there are the priest shortages, which is really a chicken and egg syndrome. Their loneliness, stress and depression probably come from being overworked and covering multiple churches with no companionship available, and how is that going to improve the recruiting process? But then the shortage is causing the existing priests to become lonely and depressed, spending their whole lives working alone.

The sexual abuse scandals are a whole couple pages to write about. Should they be able to marry so they'll stop touching young boys? And are we forcing them into molestation because celibacy is the only option? Who really wants that as an option? I think they're all fooling themselves... hence the shortage of priests!!

Anywho, this paper has been quite the eye opener for me. Very interesting facts and history behind it all. It flashes me back to Wednesday afternoon religion class when I was young. Father Jerry would walk around in the church basement with a cigarette in one hand and a whiskey on the rocks in the other. He'd always be yelling at the boys in my class about one thing or another. Maybe that's something else I should research... how many priests end up as alcoholics.

What's sad is that this started out as a positive paper - let's get these guys laid and happy - and the content ended up bringing me down. Maybe because I wonder how fulfilling this lifestyle really is for them.

Like butterflies stretching their wings

Funny how people come out of their cocoons after a long, cold winter, isn't it? The first day to break 50 degrees I see everyone dressed like it's May or June. A lady in The Pig today was wearing shorts and a very small T and her body was screaming to be covered up. So were my eyes. My kids are refusing to wear their sweatshirts when tooling the neighborhood on scooters and all the cars have their windows rolled down. It's been a long time coming and like I told the girls yesterday - we deserve this. Nobody deserves a warm, sunny day more than those that live in Wisconsin. We come out of March feeling like a bunch of beat-up rags, so it's time.

This is the kind of weather where it's nice to sit in the driveway soaking it all in, but it's still not warm enough to open all the windows. My house is a tad chilly with the furnace not running very much, so I still layer my lounge clothes when home. I've always wanted a cute little southern exposure sun room where I can chill with my book and beverage. It's on the lifetime list.

Roy who?

Next week Tuesday we're "Going Green" at work. Our HR gal sent out an email for everyone to wear green and bring makings for a salad. We're supposed to find ways to conserve energy that day, too.

Denise and I decided it would be more fun "Going ROYGBIV", being the rebels that we are. So, we recruited a few members and assigned everyone a color. I'm orange, because I just bought this bright orange $5 T at Walmart. And I signed up for carrots. Denise is red and signed up for tomatoes.

Next to your contribution for the little luncheon you're supposed to write down what you'll do that day to help save energy.

I wrote: "Turn off the servers that day."

Denise: "Turn off my curling iron before I leave that morning."

Stupid stuff like this makes me laugh. Maybe because we're thinking outside the box and finding ways to up the anty on this whole green experience. I suggested we walk into the lunchroom in rainbow order, but maybe that's a little cocky.

Yes, I can hear you now

My rule of thumb with the weather is that if it's below 10 degrees or raining, I'll drop the girls off at school. Otherwise they can walk the couple blocks. It's good for them. This morning they were at each other's throats with whiney comments and touching each other; it was ridiculous. Frankly, I don't care who said what, just get ready for school and out of my house.

It was a little chilly this morn, but I couldn't imagine another 15 minutes of it, so I wrapped scarves around their faces and shoved them out the door. I was up in the middle of the night, getting a little sick. Being tired and not 100% is bad enough, so a little peace is quite welcome. It's amazing how much better I feel when they leave and I can gather my thoughts again.

Love em, but why do they always have to make noise?

You made me

I didn't mention this earlier because I was trying to stay focused on the positive today, but it's just so damn hard. The negative swirls around me the second I walk into work each morn like a bad smell. It's exhausting. If I don't get out of that place soon I honestly fear for my health. Work just sucks the life out of me.

Anyway, I walk in TODAY to find that the internet and phone systems were down. Color me fucking surprised. Honestly. I had messages waiting, even little yellow sticky notes on my door. Not a big fan of the "warning" sticky note. Not when I still have my coat on, purse and lunch in hand and no time to get a cup of coffee.

It turns out we had some sort of power outage overnight. I'm guessing it was wind related, but who really knows. I got the internet up eventually and was working on the phone system when my boss walked back into the server room. He was trying to lend some moral support, I guess. As I attempted to reboot the phone server I looked at him and said, "You know that this place is going to turn me into an alcoholic, right?" He wasn't sure how to respond to that and had a worried look on his face. Nuff said.

Take two and call in the morning

I watched one of the funniest episodes of Frasier last night. When I can watch a 30-min sitcom and laugh out loud by myself... you know it's a good show. I love to laugh and think I have a pretty decent sense of humor, but it takes a certain wit to get me going. The writers of Frasier have that certain something.

The King of Queens is the other show that gets me laughing. Lucky for me, my two fav sitcoms are on at bedtime. Or close to. Pending on how exhausted I am (or not) I'll try to catch both of these before I crash. Nothing better than a few hearty laughs to release endorphins and drift off into sleep.

If you need a good laugh at the end of a crappy day, try these for medicine.

Going, going, not gone!

OMG. I just did the dumbest thing ever. I have two reports to write for my online class. I finished the first one, which is saved to my jump drive. Then I started the second one, but wanted to use the formatting of the first. So I opened the first report, edited the title and header, deleted all the content and saved it. But I overwrote the first report by not putting in a new name! I can't believe how stupid I was. Did you ever have that "Oh, Shit" moment when you realized what you've done?

I couldn't recover the file from the recycle bin because I saved it to my jump drive and not the PC itself. I came this close to crapping my pants. Then I calmed down and started to become resourceful. What would any other IT gal do?

I searched around and found a free utility that recovers deleted files from drives. I had no idea if it would work, because we're talking about the jump drive, but it doesn't hurt to try. Sure shit, I installed the utility and it found a ton of crap on the drive. This is amazing stuff! There were 10 versions of my first report from each time I saved when I was writing. (I tend to save files after each paragraph or so because I hate losing work if something unexpected happens.) Um, yeah.

So, you should see all the junk on the jump drive from a long time ago. They aren't kidding when they say that anything can be recovered on a hard drive. Believe you me, watch what you write. Because if an average Jane like me can recover deleted data, just imagine what the real geeks can do.

Deep in the heart of Texas

Laying awake in bed last night I was able to catch up on my HGTV. I've seen a few episodes taped in Texas lately and have always been amazed at how much house these people can buy for $150,000. We're talking beautiful, new, 2000 sq ft ranches. There may be some parts of Texas that aren't for me, but the research I've done on the up and coming Austin looks quite promising. Here are some key reasons why people love Austin:

• Austin touts itself as the Live Music Capital of the World, with good reason — it has nearly 200 concert venues.
• Austin is consistently rated one of America's most livable cities because of its fast-growing economy, abundance of green space — and perhaps the fact that road rage is a rarity. Once, when a driver fell asleep at a red light on a busy street, a line of cars patiently waited for him to finish his nap.
• The phrase "Keep Austin Weird" was on a radio show in 2000. Ever since, it's been the rallying cry of residents bent on preserving the city's funky flavor.
• A street party breaks out on South Congress Avenue on the first Thursday of each month, with restaurants, galleries and shops staying open late and vendors selling tooled Western belts and onesies printed with armadillos. This being Austin, the festivities wouldn't be complete without music — there's always a band playing under the oaks at Güero's Taco Bar.
• At the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center, cofounded by the former first lady to preserve North America's native flora, some 650 indigenous Texas species are spread across more than 20 gardens and meadows.
• Austin is serious about its festivals. Thousands of indie rock, country, and bluegrass fans converge on the city each year for South by Southwest and Austin City Limits.
• Once you watch a movie at an Alamo Drafthouse Cinema with a Texas-brewed Shiner Bock in one hand and a basket of fried pickles in the other, you'll never go back to the multiplex again.

All this and the fact that housing is affordable and job opportunities are still available. It's sounding very much my style. Did I mention that the temps range from 50-85 degrees year round, with January being the coldest, of course. 50 in January! And hell, I like cowboys...

Austin is said to be the new trendy city of the US. I may just have to keep up on my research over the next 10 years.

Just a glutton

Well, wasn't yesterday just a lovely day? We got more ice than I had anticipated and the winds sure kicked in during the afternoon. I saw quite a few chunks of tree in the roads and on people's lawns. My driveway is like a glazed doughnut. This morning I practically did the Chinese splits when walking out of the garage. I haven't done those on purpose since I was in middle school. I think I pulled a groin muscle...

Just when we thought spring was here. I was so pumped when I left work on Friday. The sun was out, crap was melting. There were puddles and mud everywhere. A sure sign of spring! After my week from hell I was all pumped about having a cocktail to release the bad energy around me. And that I did. I hooked up with some old friends for happy hour and let out all my inner demons.

So, this is a new week. I have decided to make this a good week, whether I have control over it or not. Although I was up half the night listening to snow plows scraping concrete on my street, I got up with a positive attitude. Then 10 minutes after I got out of the shower one of my auras started to kick in. I spewed out a few choice words and immediately took a migraine pill, downing it with a hard boiled egg (food may help). It turned out a little less aggressive than last week's attack, so yippy skippy for me. I made it to work with a pulled groin and 90% of my vision, only to see that the email system had crashed again. Are you flippin kidding me?

I don't know why I continue to be punished the way I am. Is it because I haven't gone to church for a while? Or maybe because I use inappropriate language when my world takes a turn for the worse. Somebody is sure out to get me.

My job here is done

After 24 hours of external emails being blocked from entering at work, I figured out the problem. Let me remind everyone that the email system was something that I never administered before, so technically I wasn't responsible for knowing how it all worked. At least not until they fired the guy in the office next to me with 10 minutes notice. Then it became my problem with no training what-so-ever.

I had a little chat with my boss this morning and explained my position. I expressed my discomfort with having to come into work each morn, just waiting for one of these surprised to be sprung on me. Surprises happen, but only those that I have knowledge of. I wasn't hired on as network gal, nor do I desire to become one. There are plenty of positions where the responsibilities of one person can be handed off to another with minimal effort. IT is not one of the departments where this is the case. Our tasks are technical and require specific knowledge. The knowledge can be acquired, but that takes time and handing off of information.

So, I stated my case and unhappiness with how the situation was handled last week. That's all I can do. If I get hit by a short bus next week... then what? Now you have two IT positions unfilled with a whole lot of technical knowledge missing. I'm not asking for a pat on the back or bonus check in the mail. When hell freezes over. All I ask for is respect.

I haven't been losing sleep over any of this, but there is a sense of responsibility and need to succeed because all this networking crap was handed off to me, whether I liked it or not. Let the records show that I am very trainable. And my troubleshooting skills don't suck, either.

People drink for a reason

Home: The girls are still home sick today, barely able to eat. They're coming around slowly... this flu sure kicked their little asses but good.

Work: I have become very displeased with how the "downsizing" of employees turned out from last week. I was handed more responsibilities than I am able to take on at this point. Important systems (like email) are failing and nothing can be done because the email administrator no longer works here! If they're slowly trying to push me out the door by increasing my workload and stress... they are succeeding. Before lunch I was already considering happy hour(s).

School: I met this guy in my new class and there's a real odd story behind it all. At first I thought he had potential, but that idea quickly changed when I got more information on him. It's a long story that I'll have to share later. Sorry.

Well said

I got this great card from a wonderful friend yesterday. There's a retro-ish photo on the front. A mom is sitting in a recliner with a drink in her hand while the little toddler boy stands nearby with his baby bottle.

The inside says: "It takes a cocktail to raise a village."

Gotta love it.
Thanks, Ms K, for thinking of me and making my day.

Kicking the bucket

I wish I had something happy to talk about, because frankly, I'm sick of being such a downer. But, it hasn't been a good morning. They say that good things come to those that wait. Well... I'm waiting.

Ali has been throwing up for the last seven hours and she looks like death. After hour three it's been the dry heave stomach crap and I'm worried about her. I told her to stay in bed with a towel and bucket because the two of us lying on the bathroom floor all night wouldn't have been any fun. So I'm in her room every 20 minutes checking on her and the bucket.

I think I fell asleep a little after 5:00a when Jules walked in with the "mom, I don't feel good". I thought I was dreaming before I saw her starting to gag. I raced into Ali's room and ripped the bucket right out of her hand, passing it to Julia. Poor Ali didn't know what the hell was going on.

So now I have two girls on the living room floor, each with a towel, bucket between them. And they've been sharing it. I walked over to Qmart to grab some 7-up for them and two Krispy Kreemes for me. Breakfast of champions... or zombies.

I guess it's almost better this way than having one kid sick for 24 hours, sanitizing my whole house and then having the next kid start up. This way we can get it over with, clean up and tomorrow is a new day. I hope.

Visual phenomena of the worst kind

What a rough morning. I feel as if someone smacked me in the head with a hammer. Hell, I may be better off if they had.

I heard Jules get up for the bathroom this morn and looked at the clock to see that I had 10 minutes until my alarm would ignite. I was in a foggy haze, so I squeezed my pillow for 15 more minutes until I decided it was time. When I got out of the shower I noticed that my vision was starting to blur. I get this on occasion when a migraine is starting to kick in, so I knew what to do, although I am quite limited when it comes to controlling these situations.

The first sign of the migraine is the aura. An aura leaves me with blurred vision and flashing lights. Focusing on something is near impossible. I tend to get a numb tingling in my left hand (weird, I know) and sometimes my face. This is all due to decreased and increased nerve cell activity in the outer layer of the brain. There's nothing fun about it, and there's also no way to prevent this mess from happening. If I take a migraine pill I can prevent the painful headache from kicking in, but the aura symptoms need to run their course, which is the part that leaves me very vulnerable and unable to function.

I got the kids off to school with some effort and was even able to put a little mascara on, which was quite the feat. I was afraid that I'd be walking out of the house all Tammy Faye. Driving during this experience isn't the best idea, so I chose to sit in the living room for a few minutes with my eyes closed, hoping it would pass. It didn't.

Since I'm the only IT person left at work, I felt it was best to go in. Our 2-man office in Michigan is having network issues and I can just imagine the messages left behind if I stayed home. It took 2-3 hours, but my vision has finally returned and I am able to focus on objects with minimal surrounding lights. I'll be squinting all day, though.

It's difficult to explain these experiences with someone that hasn't gone through it themselves. A headache is one thing, but the brain activity that affects the rest of my body scares the crap out of me. I've had these auras during family gatherings, at class or work and when out in public. The best way to handle them is to sit and close my eyes if possible. And I've had the brain scans and eye exams done to search for a cause, but it's not that simple. There is no prevention; changes in body chemistry, such as menstruation, certain foods, and dozens of environmental influences, such as a change in weather, may trigger an attack.

After it's all over my body becomes very drained and my head feels like it's going to start oozing, like I should wrap a big cloth band aid around my head to keep it all together. Sort of what they do after a person has brain surgery. Maybe a tight little skull cap would offer the same effect for me. Naps help, too. Bedtime is a long ways away...

Hiatus

I've been in sort of a slump this last week or so. Too much on my mind and not enough time to step back from it all. This weekend should help. Well, a week away would help... but since that isn't feasible I think I'll take what I can get.

If you don't hear from me for a couple days, don't fret. I'll be back. Not that I feel I have a huge following or expect people to be interested in my life. It's just that I have had some wonderful friends check in on me in the past when I was MIA for a bit. Don't want to worry anyone.

Hang loose, all.

She's a wild one

Sure looks like we lucked out on weather tonight. I'll take rain any day, as long as it's in moderation. About 10 minutes after I got to class they closed the campus. Lucky for me this meant not having to do a presentation and taking our final test home. Yes, that's right. We can email the answers to our instructor by Saturday. That's my kind of test.

Turns out that everything north of school was absolutely horrendous. A lot of my classmates come from Manitowoc and they said it was a thick snowy ice. The worst kind of storm.

Funny how weather controls our lives. Events we have planned, appointments to be at, school and work. It can reek havoc on our homes and destroy our possessions. It's crazy. It can put us in awful moods or create a huge smile on our face.

It's the number one topic that people talk about. You're standing next to a stranger... what do you comment on? Mother Nature is one crazy broad.

Calling all idol fans

I was never that hooked on the show, but there is so much real talent this round. My picks for the next three to make it:

• Adam Lambert. The guy rocks. The voice, performance, whole package. He's going places.


• Megan Joy. She has that edgy voice and cool style. Perfect song choice tonight.


• Allison Iraheta. The chick can rip a Heart tune. Very strong.


• Honorable mention - Mishavonna Henson. I didn't think I was going to like her, and the judges didn't, but she was fantastic. Way cool song choice for me and just a great singer.

If that Nick/Norman freak show makes it through, I'll boycott.

Can't get rid of me that easy

7:45p

Well, I got yelled at tonight for not posting a follow-up, but it's been a whirlwind of a day. I won't even get into it. The good news is that we think there's nothing to worry about. After scans and images and ultrasounds they're pretty comfortable with the fact that this is an infected lymph node. You can imagine the thoughts running through my head when the technician left to go talk to the doctor and I'm lying on the table with gel all over my breast and armpit. Not only was I feeling a tad vulnerable, but also pissed. I spent all this time and money on these fricken braces just so they could bury me with nice teeth??

They're going to forgo the biopsy and see if some antibiotics take care of the lump. We'll address it any further if need be. I hate to sound like a hypochondriac, but it was hard not to jump to conclusions right away. There are two ways that I do NOT want to die. Drowning and cancer. I could even handle falling out of a tree and getting eaten by wild animals, but I draw the line with water and chemo.

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

As if my day couldn't start off any better. We went through another round of layoffs at work. I was called in first thing to discuss all the security issues. That's when I found out that one of the people being let go was my IT counterpart. Pretty hard stuff to swallow.

So now I'm the last guy (gal) standing. The IT dept is pretty much me. I'm a bit nervous with the responsibility and work load that comes along with being the one left behind. Although the job security is there, as long as the boat keeps floating.

With all the chaos surrounding me I did find time to get to the Dr before lunch. I was disappointed to learn that my doc was out until Wednesday, but I didn't feel like waiting, so I saw someone else. We don't know what the lump is all about yet, but she's hoping it's a lymph node flaring up. Tomorrow morn I go in for tests and they hope to have results before I leave. Crossing fingers won't help anything, but do it anyway.

Right now I am beyond mentally drained. I have a final exam at 5:30p and I haven't studied yet. With everything else going on, suddenly it doesn't seem that important.

Things that make you go hmm

I found a lump. Under my armpit. It's a pretty big one, too. I'm not sure what to think about it. Carol had a lump and look how that turned out. A lady I used to work with found a lump and she just had a mastectomy and is starting chemo. I think Janie had two lumps and they were both benign. Plenty of people find them and they get removed like a hangnail.

I just had my first mammogram a few months ago, so I'm pretty confident that it's nothing. Guess I'll have to call my doc in the morn and have it tested. But still, how the fuck did this happen?

Come to my window

I think my neighbor across the street got a Wii Fit. Either that, or she's Sweatin' to the Oldies. I'm just sitting here at my dining table, and when I looked out the window I saw her boppin around her living room.

That happened to me once. I was jammin the hoola hoop on the Fit and caught my westward neighbor walking by the window out of the corner of my eye. Can you imagine how stupid I must have looked swinging my ass and hips around if he had no clue we owned a Wii?

Do you ever look in people's windows at night? I don't make a conscious effort or anything, but yes, I'm curious by nature. The other day I was on my way to pick up the girls and almost drove right off the road. There are a few houses that have their back patio doors facing the road. I was glancing, of course. I don't know if I'm more interested in what other people's houses look like or if it's more what they're doing. What I DO know is that I'm not the only one that cops a glance.

Now my neighbor looks like she's head banging, thrusting back and forth. I have no clue what the hell is going on over there.

They're he-re

We pick up GS cookies tonight, for all of you that ordered. Chances are about nill that I'll have time to sort them this eve, so I'll contact you after the weekend.

I thought I'd be a sport and bring a box to share with my class tonight. I just can't decide which flavor. It has to be one that I like, but nothing that my girls will have a canary over if they see one of their fav missing. Decisions, decisions.

Love you, too

Here's an interesting article:

"Why Ordinary People Murder Their Families"
http://www.newsweek.com/id/185440

Frankly, I don't quite understand it. But then again, I'm not ordinary.

Critic's choice

I'm getting The Secret Life of Bees in the mail tomorrow via Netflix. It was rated quite well by members and critics, so I hope it leaves an impression on me. There have only been a handful of movies that left me with that wow factor. Titanic, Into the Wild and August Rush being three. The Notebook used to be on the list, but after an X-loser boyfriend ruined that whole experience for me, it has been tainted.

The whole movie experience can be altered by your environment, mood and company that you keep. Some of my favs were a must-see in the theatre, while a few were just as dramatic for me on the comfort of my own couch. No matter what other variables come into play when viewing the movie, it all boils down to great writing and directing.

One movie that was the most colossal disappointment of all time is The Women. Egads. The cast was top notch, but the storyline was like watching grass grow and the acting left a whole lot to be desired. I would have rather spent those two hours folding laundry... and that is one of my most hated chores ever (mostly because of the socks).

This one's for you, dear

The VP of the local cancer care fund called yesterday and officially asked me to be part of their Advisory Committee. There will be seven of us, two not being cancer survivors. I'm a little nervous in the sense that this is a huge responsibility; finding ways to help those going through some of the roughest times of their lives. What do I know about cancer patient needs, other than what I've seen Carol experience? Even then I felt helpless half the time. But, I think that is the point of why I was invited. They would like my perspective as an outsider. There are other survivors, like those of us that are still standing after cancer has taken our loved one. We may recognize ways to help that those going through it don't.

Our first meeting is in a few weeks. I view this as a fabulous opportunity to get more involved in the community, meet new people and inherit some nonprofit experience. I'm excited.

**Side bar: I drive by the mausoleum where Carol is every single morning. In the beginning I would become somber, often shedding tears. A few times I would throw a beer in my purse after work and go talk to her. Now that some time has passed I view my morning drive-by differently. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her at that 5 second moment, but the thoughts have changed. I tend to remember fun times we had and stupid little inside jokes that made us laugh our asses off. I see her smile every morning on my way to work and that's very comforting.

Now I've seen it all

We stopped in at the Dollar Tree today. There are a few items that I'll pick up, like bags of candy, paper towel, toothbrushes, etc. and the girls always like to get a little piece of junk. Surprisingly they have quite a few brand name items. Today I bought a box of 24 Apple Jacks cereal straws for, you guessed it, $1. I like to pick up batteries, too. We go through AAs like nobody's business and they have brand name 4-packs. That's only a quarter a piece.

So, we're checking out and they have that little rack of crap there by the conveyor belt. Hanging on a hook was a row of pregnancy tests. I couldn't believe it. Who would buy a $1 pregnancy test? And why are they by the checkout? Isn't that spot usually reserved for last minute items like gum and chapstick? "Oh, wait a sec... I should really check to see if I'm PG. I'll grab me one of them there tests on the way out." Honestly.

I like the dollar store, but that really made me feel like I was some sort of white trash.

Can you hear me now?

Did you ever pull up at the ATM and turn the radio down as you open the window? I caught myself doing that today and wondered what I was expecting to hear. The machine doesn't talk to me and there isn't a lady standing there, waiting to insert my card. I think I do that all the time.

Clearly I need silence for deep thought, like keying in a number and pushing two buttons.

Heart of glass

We had a healthy heart day at work. People brought in healthy snacks, there was a group walk at noon and everyone was supposed to "go red". Me, I wore black... "go figure".

There were two small jars of sugar free snacks on the lunchroom table. One was filled with jelly beans and the other gummy bears. I heart gummy bears, but very much dislike jelly beans. We had to guess how many were in the jars. I figured WTH, and threw my numbers down. Later this aft I find out that I won the jar of jelly beans. "Go figure".

65 - The magic number

Janie officially gave her boss notice of retirement yesterday. May 2nd is her last day. She figured that will give her a little more time to save up for her Vegas trip in March and Napa trip with Alison in June. She has been semi-retired for the last two years, only working 16 hours a week. I asked why she didn't just keep that schedule for a while longer. It gives her something to do during the week and extra spending money to balance the social security. Not to mention full benefits at the hospital, even at a PT level. She said she's ready... and most of the women she job shares with are all a bunch of bitches. OK....

I have two concerns with her retirement. First, she's not exactly the epitome of health. She does stay active outside of the house with bus trips and plans with friends, but she doesn't get any exercise. Being home every day will only allow more time on the couch during the afternoon. That's usually where I find her if we stop in to visit on a weekend. The flat cushion is proof.

Second, I think both of my parents being home every day will take its toll on them. Janie plans to get out yet and do more volunteer work, but my dad has even less reasons to leave the house as each day passes. I think they'll be at each other's throats. Everyone needs to have their own hobbies or purpose in life. He doesn't.

I'll sit back and mind my own business for now. I AM happy for her, just concerned. I wish she'd pay a little more attention to her health for the girls' sake. I want Janie to be around when they graduate high school.

Better late than never

Do you ever sit back and think about all the things you wish you had done differently, or am I the only freak show that does this on a continual basis? It's not like I'm unhappy with my life, because I'm not. There are just so many things that I regret not doing... I don't necessarily regret things that I did. OK, maybe a couple, but the list is small.

For starters, I don't regret all the partying I did when I was young. Those were some fun times and I wouldn't take them back for anything. What I do regret is the quantity, not the quality.

I don't regret getting married (OK, maybe a tiny bit), I just wish I had put more thought into it at the time. I didn't know him well enough. Had we dated a few years I probably wouldn't have married him in the end. The real no regret part - getting my two spunky girls out of the deal.

I regret not going to college when I was younger, that's a no brainer. But I don't regret holding off when I was 18. I know that traditional students go right out of high school so they can kick off their careers in their 20s. Me, I liked being able to work first. It gave me a larger sense of responsibility, supporting myself.

A big regret of mine was that I didn't really evaluate what I wanted to be when I grew up. I know now that I completely missed the boat, but this is 20 years later. It's too late for me to go back to journalism school and become the next Lisa Ling, reporting for National Geographic. With those regrets I can take what skills I do have and try to apply them to my life now.

I do regret that I didn't live more places... especially outside of WI. There are so many opportunities and new cultures to explore. Being single was the time to take advantage of that. Now I'm unable to live wherever I want because of my ties to the X. What I don't regret is my children growing up close to my family and friends. That's important stuff. There will be time for adventures later.

One thing I've learned from all my regrets is to make sure that I stop having them. That means I have to follow my ideas and dreams. I've put more thought into my short and long term goals the last few years than I did the first 30 years of my life. It's OK, though. My life is only half over...

Should I stay or should I go?

For fellow Grey's fanatics, there is new news. Rumor has it that there are two main characters leaving the show.

James Pickens, Jr., who plays chief of surgery Dr. Richard Webber at fictional Seattle Grace Hospital, told Us Weekly that Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight are on their way out.

Us also quoted a set source as saying "Knight complains to Katherine all the time. The energy on set will be much better when he's gone." However, the magazine went on to quote a source saying that the show's writers want to create a "believable exit" for Knight's character, one that would make it possible for him to return to the show at a later date.

Heigl plays blonde bombshell and troubled doctor Izzie Stevens, who accidentally killed her fiance, Denny Duquette, while trying to help him get a heart transplant. Her character has been playing controversial romantic scenes with the long-dead Duquette, and a recent episode indicated that the scenes may be the result of a mental problem caused by a health issue.

I have always liked both characters, but recently became more annoyed with Izzy than anything. Possibly it's because she's been "having sex" with her dead boyfriend for weeks. The storyline has brought the A+ show down to a B for me. If they kill Izzy and the dead relationship, I'll up it to an A again. Especially because I like the chemistry between Dr. Hunt and Cristina.

Now George, I have a hard time believing that any of these people are having sex with him, dead or alive. Meredith, Callie, Izzy... none of these women are believable mates. There's a reason why T.R. Knight is gay. Trust me.

Remember me?

Last week I was reading something about Phoenix (knowing me, probably the weather forecast) and I started thinking about this guy, Gary. Gary and I worked together at a local engineering firm for quite a few years. After he transferred to our Phoenix office, I ended up going down there to work for a while. He picked me up at the airport, took me shopping for household goods at TJ Maxx and got me settled in my apt. We did plenty of cocktails, etc. He's a decent guy. Has been single since I've known him. He's probably about 10 years my senior.

So, as I was thinking of him the other day I decided to Google Gary and see what popped up. Sure enough, there he was, working for a firm in Atlanta. I knew it was my Gary because of his job history and graduation from UW-Madison. His email address for the firm was listed, so I contacted him and probably knocked him right off his chair.

We haven't seen each other for approx. 16 years. I came back from Phoenix and he ended up going to Australia for a while, eventually moving back to the states. We starting chatting via a few emails and low and behold the same ole Gary started popping out. He started flirting, commenting on my appearance back then (assuming that some of my features were probably still the same). Some women would be offended by this, but not me. If you knew Gary you'd just shrug it off. He's harmless. He even noted a specific pair of pants that he remembers me wearing. Now that I found a little odd....

Anyway, it's good to catch up with old friends from key phases of my life. It's important that they know the impact they've made on me.

No problems over here

We had a neighborhood round robin last night. It was fun... traveled a few houses, each having a different specialty drink, had some snacks. I only had about eight drinks total, and that was over an eight hour period, so you can do the math. I felt quite sober when I got home. The drinks were small.

The X's girlfriend's father lives in the neighborhood, next door to close friends of mine. I saw him and his wife at the houses but didn't really get a chance to talk to them. Not because I was avoiding them; the opportunity just didn't come up. At the end of the eve there were a few people that asked me if it was awkward having the GF's father there. Um... no. Why would it be? I have no clue if they even know who I am and there's no reason for anyone to be uncomfortable. I've said this a million times, but for those that still haven't heard, we all get along just great. The X, his GF, all our kids... everyone is just friendly and happy.

People seem to want drama and are almost disappointed that there isn't any. There's the "oh, that's great" when I mention that it's all kosher... but do they mean it? Someone even asked me what the girls do on the weekends when they're with their dad. I don't exactly have all the details, but family stuff, I'm sure. What would they expect? Sort of an odd question. And then I've already been asked if the X and his GF plan to marry. Does anyone really expect me to know that?? Not exactly a conversation that the X and I have. We talk about a lot of things, but that rarely comes up.

So, for all those people in this tiny little town of ours that continue to ask questions - don't sweat it. I'm good. It's all good.

Now, I just got back from my walk to the grocery. I got me one of them delicious rotisserie chickens and I need to go pick at it for a while.

More, please

Last night I did something that I never do. After the movie I went back to the snack counter and refilled my jumbo popcorn to take home. The more I thought about it the more I figured that I was just getting my money's worth. Entrance to the movie was $8.75 and the popcorn was $6.75. (I smuggled in my can of DC... I always do.) At those prices I didn't feel bad for the refill. Besides, it's company policy. It's not like I was stealing anything.

Lisa... you inspire me.

It's a new day

Well, looky, looky. It appears that we may just get above freezing since, I don't know, October! And look at the precipitation... 10% chance. Gotta love it.

What a fantastic opportunity for some of this dirty, sand covered snow to melt. We're rounding the corner, people. Just yesterday I was driving down the road and thought, "Look at how ugly it is out here. The mountain-size snowbanks never got a chance to melt and now they are layered by the sandy mix that the plows have been throwing down. It's a very unattractive time of year for the state of WI."

It's going to be a sloppy weekend, but I plan to throw on my ducky boots and get some exercise. Woo-freakin-hoo.

My apologies

I didn't want to leave today on a downer note, talking about depression and death. There's nothing uplifting about that. What was I thinking? So, here's something on a lighter note.

Some of you may know that I've volunteered for the local cancer care fund over the last few years. I don't do as much as I'd like to, but I make a presence and jump in whenever they ask. Recently the Vice President contacted me about a database issue. With that he asked if I'd be interested in joining an Advisory Committee. The main purpose of this group would be to address the current unmet needs of local cancer patients/survivors and see how the SCCCF might be able to address those needs along with some cost estimates. It would be a fantastic opportunity and one that I'm very excited about. It will give me great insight into working for a non-profit organization, which is one of my career goals.

I had to fill out an application and am waiting for the final invite in, but the VP told me today that my involvement was quite probable.

There are no words

What a horrifying story.

MISSION VIEJO, Calif. - A 4-year-old girl in Southern California died after she climbed into a washing machine that began tumbling when her toddler brother hit its simple push-button start.

Orange County Sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino said Kayley Ishii apparently climbed into the front-loading washer Monday afternoon. Her 15-month-old brother either bumped or pushed the button to start the machine.
Amormino said the machine's controls were only 20 inches from the floor and the start switch was a simple push button. The girl was in the water-filled, tumbling machine for at least two minutes before her mother found her.

Depression of many kinds

Today is a new day and that's how I'm going to approach it. Yesterday wasn't so great. Today can be.

I know we all have monotony in our lives and this shitty ass weather sure doesn't help any. Every day I picture the people in CA and AZ sitting on their sunny patios having coffee with their paper and I wonder "why not me??" But, my day will come. For now I deal with today and get a grip!!

I have a hard time understanding how those hundreds and hundreds of unemployed people in the area can handle all the stress during this never-ending winter. I talk to plenty of people that are either displaced, or have family members that are, and I give them a lot of credit. Granted there really is no choice but to accept what life has handed you and make the best of it, but I can easily see how depression would take over some of their lives after a while. If my life gets to be a downer while I am running from work to school to basketball to scouts... how would it be if I was sitting at home every day with nothing but job searches to keep me occupied? At least in the summer there is exercise and fresh air to be had.

This Depression (and I do think it qualifies) is taking a toll on all of the middle and lower class. Something's gotta give soon. I've never been more thankful for what I have. The reality of what some of us could be dealing with puts a whole new perspective on things.

Just this morning Alison asked if I could buy regular Cheetos instead of the Roundy's version. She thinks they taste better. I told her that these cost less and taste just fine. Not that Ali is asking a lot, but plenty of kids don't even get Cheetos. It really could be much worse... she could be sucking on Saltines every day for snack. Or as I heard from when times were really rough - eating lard sandwiches.

On the rocks

I'm having one of those days where I could see driving a few hours, checking into a nice hotel and tossing a couple $20s onto the bar. Sometimes it's just nice to get away from the every day surroundings and be around complete strangers.

Go back to sleep

The groundhog saw his shadow this morn. Surprise, surprise. Since 1887, he has seen his shadow 97 times, hasn't seen it 15 times, and there are no records for nine years. So, yeah, there will be six more weeks of winter.

Do we really expect anything less? This is Wisconsin, people. Can you ever recall a winter ending before March? We're lucky if it stops snowing in April.

I tend not to put a whole lot of merit into this groundhog thing.

Under the mattress

I LOVE this time of year. TAX TIME. Granted, those that pay in avoid it like the plague, but not this kid. I tend to sit down at the computer the day after I receive my W2.

I got a very healthy return this year. As one friend pointed out, the ideal is really to have things balance out over the year and break even at tax time. Me, I'd rather get the cash at the end to lock away for safe keeping. It just feels good.

By next week my bank account will have a little more padding. Something to save for that rainy day when I may be unemployed. Positive thinking, eh? Just being a realist.

Stuff

I felt as if all I did today was pick things up. Ever have a day like that? Between laundry, dishes and cleaning the floors... always something in my hand. Plus I chopped ice outside and scooped that up for over an hour.

With the kids and all their crap - it's endless. Every corner I turn there is more stuff on the dining table, dirty socks in the bathroom, webkinz animals here and there, 1/2 drank cups of juice. I'm always picking things up. I guess I could walk by and let the stuff sit, but that would bother me to no end.

When the girls are gone, there's none of this. I'll spend an hour on Friday eve picking up all their books, pencils, gloves and crumbs and then it's smooth sailing until Sunday. No mess but my own, nothing out of place. It's bliss.

Running on empty

As I was driving home from class last night I realized that I was cruising on E. Literally on E, not just with the little gas pump light lit up. I noticed I was getting low before I went, but figured filling the tank could wait until this morn. It takes me approx. 15-20 minutes each way, so surely I'd have enough to get to school and back.

So, it's really cold and dark out. I'm cruising down the interstate, wondering if waiting on the gas station was such a smart idea. If I run out of gas on the highway, who would I call? It's 9:30p and my mom is at my house with the girls sleeping. I have a lot of great friends, but would they be willing to come save my ass since this is all based on pure laziness on my part?

I watched the little E all the way home. The closer I got the better I felt, but I wasn't out of the woods yet. As I neared a gas station I realized that I didn't even have my wallet with me, so there goes that idea. Normally I grab my phone, glasses, water, snacks and backpack when I go to class. I don't bother with my purse at all. Why would I need money??

As I'm getting closer to Kohler I started letting up on the gas pedal, doing more coasting and turning down the heat (will that save gas, I'm wondering?). I SO want to make it home. And... I did.

Once I parked 'er in the garage I started thinking... how long can I drive on E? Surely there has to be a little reserve in there, but how far can I push it? I've never run out of gas in my lifetime, but I'd like to know my limits. I'm like that.

Here's the plan. Sometime, when it gets much warmer and sunny, I'm going to take a test. Once I start nearing E, I'm going to throw my gas can in the back, grab my cell, pack a little lunch, and start tooling around. I'll just cruise around town until I run out of gas, watching the little lever the whole time. How fun would that be? I'm almost looking forward to it. If you see me driving by your house waving, and then again, this is what I'm doing. Hell, I'll pick you up for the ride if you want to come along.

Did you know...

*A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

*A person uses approximately 57 sheets of toilet paper each day.

*The best time for a person to buy shoes is in the afternoon. This is because the foot tends to swell a bit around this time.

*Teflon is the most slippery substance in the world.

*By partially filling saucers with vinegar and distributing the saucers around a room, you can eliminate odors.

*America's favorite Crayola crayon color is blue.

*Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

I'm just saying...

Think spring

All I'm going to say is thank you, Mother Nature, for letting Wisconsin stay clear of that nasty ice storm crossing the US. Not that I wish three inches of ice and lack of power on others, but it's the last thing that I need. These bitter temps are tough enough to deal with; coating my domain with a frozen glaze sure wouldn't pump me up any.

Over a half million people are without power and there have been at least 19 deaths. Ugly stuff. I guess Wisconsin isn't the only crappy place to live after all. It seems that there are more severe storms and natural disasters these days. Are we influencing the weather pattern, or are we just hearing about it more because of technology?

Henpecked

I've been making a lot of cuts at home lately. Not just on dining out and the grocery bill, but other places, as well. I found out yesterday that I could save quite a bit on my Dish TV and phone bill just by reviewing the packages available. That's savings on something we don't use very often. Yes, it's nice to have a phone, but ours doesn't ring off the hook. I'd rather pay the minimum necessary to keep it. Going online once in a while to see what AT&T has going on is a very good idea because they change their rates and packages, but they're not going to call all their customers to tell them that.

When I called Dish I wasn't anticipating any options to save costs, but figured WTH. Worth a shot. After flicking around on Sunday eve I realized that we have a whole lot of channels of shit that we never watch, which motivated me. So, I called and asked if I could get local channels only. I figured they'd laugh at me, but I don't know these people, right? My kids might get pissed, but there are better things for them to do with their time, plus we get our Netflix movies for the weekends. Turns out that they have a small Welcome Package that costs $14.99/month. They don't advertise it, which is crappy, but it's available for those like me that do the research. This package includes all the local channels (which we watch most) plus 20 favs like TLC, TBS, Oxygen, DiscoveryKids, Boomerang, MSNBC, History, Food, etc. Pretty much the only channels we'd care to have. What a deal! We do lose Disney, which Julia was pretty pissed about, but I've had enough Hannah Montana up to here. DiscoveryKids is SO much cooler.

So, I ended up saving $40/month on the two services. Not too shabby, eh? I'm already on the lowest internet plan without resorting to a caveman dial-up speed and my cell is the cheapest plan available. I'm happy with myself. I've become all about being frugal lately and planning ahead. Times are getting tough and while I may be employed right now, that could easily change tomorrow. I don't know when this ship I'm working on is going to sink, but chances are good that it will. Until then I cut costs where I can, make some extra money on the side (without turning tricks) and save. Save, save, save. We still deserve a vacation this year, so I won't refuse the girls that, but I will prepare better for the unknown.

My next step is to build a chicken coop in the backyard. I'm going to buy me a few chickens and sell eggs on weekends. For those that have seen Kit Kittredge... I'll resort to this backup plan if push comes to shove.